Too Hard To Say Goodbye
by SVUCSIWTRDOOLluver
Summary: When the team is involved in a situation that involves an impossible decision by Penelope Garcia, what will they do with the fallout? Who will be left standing? Involves character death : Chapter 14 is up, this story is now COMPLETE! R&R!
1. Every Time I Close My Eyes

**This is a character death story, I'm warning you in advance. And it starts off with extremely dark and terrifying stuff happening to our favorite BAU agents.**

**I actually got the idea from something one of my friends said, they said that the NCIS agents couldn't bear to lose Abby, a forensic scientist (from the show NCIS) because she was supposedly safe, closeted in her lab all day and she never went into the field like the other agents. Kate (from NCIS) once said that there was a chance one of them would die the moment they walked out of the door and I used that too. And then I started to think, Abby's kinda like Garcia, what if they had to watch her die? How would it affect them? And then I brought the idea to my friend (who doesn't write fanfiction) and together we came up with this idea! I liked it so much I halted (temporarily) my other Criminal Minds story so I could write this. I hope you like it!**

**Enjoy!**

Hotch woke up with a pounding headache and an extremely dry mouth. As he tried to move he realized that he was currently tied to something and he couldn't move his arms or his legs, and then he realized as his eyes adjusted to the dark that he was in a circular room and he was tied to the wall.

As he kept blinking, he saw that he wasn't the only one tied to the wall. He was the furthest to the left, next to him was Emily, then Rossi, then JJ, then Reid and then Morgan. He didn't see Garcia there and it was all he could to not let out a yell when he spotted empty chains between Reid and Morgan.

He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remember what had happened the night before. They returned from a case and Garcia had a bottle of wine for them. They were about to drink when they got called away to sing 'Happy Birthday' to Unit Chief Strauss, as it was her birthday but she had strictly forbidden any parties in her honor, so someone had gotten her a cake and they all sang to her.

Then the team had gone back into Garcia's room, drank their single glass of wine and then they all left, going to their respective homes. Hotch had fallen asleep instantly, and now he was awake, locked to a wall.

Morgan started to stir and when he realized he couldn't move, he started to yell. "Shut up!" Emily hissed at him and JJ moaned,

"Oh, my head,"

"Mine too," Emily said, and Hotch added,

"I thought I was the only one awake."

"No, Reid's the only one not awake," Rossi commented and they all looked over at the genius.

"I'm awake now," Reid mumbled, shaking his head a few times.

"Wait, where's Garcia? Was she here?" Morgan asked frantically, looking at the empty chains.

"I don't know. When I woke up, they were empty." Emily said with worry lacing her voice.

"Yeah, the same with me. I bet you anything it was that wine last night," JJ swore, glancing around.

"You're saying Garcia spiked the wine?" Morgan challenged, and Rossi said,

"No, but do you remember? We left the wine and our glasses in Garcia's room while we all went and serenaded Strauss. Someone could've slipped something in it by the time we got back to her office,"

"It's possible, but who would want to?" Emily asked, and the room fell silent.

"I don't know, but Garcia drank the wine too. Where the hell is she?" Morgan said, craning his head around the room to try and see if he could find her.

Suddenly, the lights flared on and all the agents squeezed their eyes shut and ducked their heads away from the ceiling. "Good evening, agents," A voice said, and Hotch called,

"What do you want with us?"

"A very good question, Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner, I suppose what I really want is to see you all suffer."

"Why? What did we do to you?" Rossi questioned.

The voice laughed coolly, saying, "Well, Supervisory Special Agent David Rossi, you and the others ruined my childhood, for starters. My parents were murdered by what you call an unsub because you were too slow. The next kid got to keep his parents, but I didn't. I've suffered for years, and now it's your turn."

A screen that was positioned so all of the agents could see it suddenly flickered to life. As the image focused, Morgan swore and both Emily and JJ gasped in horror.

Penelope Garcia was sitting in a chair and bound to it; her head slumped on her shoulders as she was still unconscious.

"Don't touch her you son of a bitch!" Morgan yelled, and the voice tsked.

"Well, Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan, you do have the temper I've heard about. Relax and calm down, Agent Morgan, Penelope Garcia has a choice on whether I'll hurt her or not,"

Emily opened her mouth to say something when Garcia's eyelids flickered and she slowly lifted her head, saying, "Oh God, I have the motherboard of all headaches," She looked around and the gravity of the situation she was in started to affect her. "Where am I?" She whispered, pure terror filling her eyes as she tried to move and found it impossible.

"You, my dear, are somewhere no one can hear you scream, if you feel the need to," The voice said, though this time it came from the TV screen.

"Scream? Why would I? You're not going to hurt me are you?" Garcia asked quickly and the voice chuckled dryly.

"Only if you choose it. Now, let me introduce you to some familiar, friendly faces," A hand came in front of the screen and touched something. The BAU agents knew that he had flipped on Garcia's screen by the way her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped open and a whimper came out.

"Don't hurt them," She whispered, and Morgan yelled,

"Penelope!"

"Derek?" She called back, and they realized they could hear each other.

"Well, I'll just leave you alone for a few minutes, give you some time to catch up," The voice said pleasantly and they all heard a door shut.

"Are you hurt?" Derek demanded, and Garcia shook her head.

"Are you guys okay?"

"We're fine. Just major headaches," Emily said, wincing.

"I agree. Now how the hell are we going to get out of this one?" Garcia said, glancing at her restraints and trying to figure out a way to undo them.

"I've already tried to figure something out, but I just can't," Hotch said, clenching his jaw.

"Even if we get free how are we going to get out?" JJ questioned, and the voice said from the TV screen,

"You can't, Media Liaison Special Agent Jennifer Jareau. There's no way out unless you're me, and since you're not, well, you won't be getting out of here, even if you managed the miracle of getting free."

"You said I could choose whether you're going to hurt me or not," Garcia said quietly, and the voice replied pleasantly,

"So I did. Well, we might as well get on with things. You're the driving force behind the BAU team, Penelope, they wouldn't be able to do anything without you as fast as they do it,"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Garcia mumbled, and the voice said earnestly,

"Because you're the one they're not prepared to lose. Any of those agents could die the moment they step out of Quantico, but you, you're safely ensconced in your computer room, no chance of danger for you,"

"That's not true, I got shot once," Garcia corrected him and the voice replied,

"Yes, but that was a freak turn of events. Now, for your choice, you get to choose between losing your own life or watching all of your friends in there die. Give me your life, or watch your friends die."

"Wha-what?" Garcia gasped, her eyes going wide.

"Either way I'm going to be a killer. You get to choose whether the victim will be you, or Agents Hotchner, Rossi, Morgan, Reid, Jareau and Prentiss."

"What kind of choice is that! You know what I'm going to choose!" Garcia yelled, anger flaring up in her eyes.

"Humor me, tell me anyways," The voice said, and Garcia set her jaw, saying,

"Go ahead and kill me, but you have to let them go, without a mark on them,"

Immediately all the agents in the other room yelled, "NO!"

"Listen to me!" Garcia demanded, angry tears glittering in her eyes. "You guys can get along without me, you can heal after I'm gone. You have each other to lean on, if he kills all of you not only will I have to live with the guilt, I will have to deal with it on my own! I'd rather be dead!"

"Baby girl, please, don't,"

"Don't what, Derek? Don't let you live?" Garcia said desperately, and JJ felt tears pouring down her face.

"What about Henry?" She asked through the tears and Garcia felt a tear drop down her cheek.

"Henry still has Reid, and make Emily an honorary godmother," Garcia replied, sniffing as more tears cascaded down her face.

"I could never replace you, PG," Emily said, though her eyes were wet there were no tears falling down. She was working on getting all of them out of there.

"So don't try. Just be a good godmother to Henry, and make sure Reid at least gets him into Cal-Tech with that one phone call, if not Yale," Garcia said, and the voice said,

"I suppose it's time for you to say your goodbyes, Penelope. I'll give you some privacy." When the doors shut again, Garcia took a deep breath.

**End of chapter 1! Yes I realize you all probably hate me for leaving it at that, but I try to use cliff-hangers whenever possible. The next chapter will have Garcia saying her goodbyes to everyone on the team, and then maybe they'll figure out a way to save her. Thanks so much for reading and I'll post the next chapter as soon as possible!**


	2. You're All That I Can See

**Second chapter is up, and I will admit that the question of whether Garcia lives or dies will not be resolved in this chapter. This is Garcia saying goodbye because she believes she won't live through this living nightmare. Warning: tearjerker chapter ahead, at least it was for me when I wrote it :'(**

**Enjoy!**

"Rossi, sometimes I think I scare you. Well, you sure shocked the hell out of me when you showed up in the middle of my shower with Kevin, and then afterward when you came to see me and all those things you said, I never told you but I want you to know that I really, really appreciated that. You've never done wrong by me, Rossi, and I really hope I've done the same to you,"

"You have," Rossi said in a strangled voice, fighting back tears.

"Good. I do love you, Dave,"

"Love you too," He said quietly, the tears finally running down his face.

Slowly they all began to realize that there was no way they could get Garcia out of this. She was going to die, and whether they wanted to or not, they all began to accept it. In all honesty, none of them wanted to accept it, but when the cold hard truth was staring you in the face, it was hard not to. Morgan was still fighting it, but he knew there was no way for his baby girl to make it out of there alive.

"Now, Dr. Spencer Reid, what can I say about you?" Garcia said with an attempt at a chuckle, and it nearly turned into a sob. "You're amazingly smart, but I gotta tell you, sometimes I'm smarter! Kidding. But you are like the younger brother I never had. We would've been great parents to Henry if that need, God forbid, ever arose. Remember when we found that old picture of Emily? Oh, that was great,"

Tears were running down Reid's cheeks as he forced himself to smile and said, "I remember."

"Promise me one thing. Well, actually, promise me two things," She asked, tears forming in her eyes as she fought them back hard.

"Anything." He swore, and she sniffed, saying,

"Get those headaches checked out. And don't forget that I love you,"

"I won't forget. And I love you too. And I will get them checked out," He said before letting out a choked back sob.

"I'm sorry to make fun of that picture of yours, Emily, but you have to admit it was, interesting," Garcia said, laughing as Emily made a face. "I never told you this, but I did forgive you for faking your death, I forgave you long ago but I just never told you because I was still mad. It was petty and immature of me to pretend to hold a grudge, and sometimes I even believed myself that I did still hold that grudge. But I don't, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything,"

"You're sorry? I'm the one who broke your heart by faking my own death. Your apology isn't needed, I just needed to hear that you forgive me," Emily said quietly, still working on her bindings.

"I do forgive you, and I love you, Emily, you always were one of my best friends, and you still are," Garcia said, a tear slipped down her cheek.

"I love you too, PG, and you and JJ are my best friends."

Garcia's eyes sought out her other best friend who was currently letting her tears pour silently down her face. "Penelope…" JJ said hoarsely, and Garcia closed her eyes for a second, and then opened them, looking straight at JJ.

"I love you, JJ. I understand why you did what you did with Emily, and I probably would've done the same thing. Your son is a beautiful baby and I hope he'll remember me when he grows up,"

"I'll make sure he will," JJ vowed, and Garcia said,

"I know. And you can't leave this team again, I know you didn't have a choice last time, but, just try, and make sure there's a competent techie that takes over my babies, don't let some random idiot from the tech pool come in and destroy all of my fantastic programs and everything," She was rambling and she knew it. JJ just nodded and said,

"I'll take care of it personally. And I won't leave the team again." JJ let out a single sob and Garcia felt the tears start to slip down her face.

"I love you, JJ,"

"Love you too, Pen,"

Garcia's eyes then found Hotch's dark eyes that were wet with unshed tears. "Are you going to keep smiling for me, honey?" She asked with a chuckle, and he closed his eyes for a moment and then said,

"I will. And don't call me honey."

"Yeah, I know. You can't give up on hope, especially when you've got the greatest example of hope in your life. Say goodbye to Jackie Boy for me, will you?"

Hotch felt the tears sliding down his face and he nodded, saying, "I will. He'll miss his Auntie Penelope,"

Garcia choked back a sob and said, "A-and promise me, promise me one last thing, please,"

"Anything."

"Don't blame yourself. I know you've the tendency to blame yourself for anything that happens to us, and this is not your fault. If anything it's my fault for leaving the glasses unattended,"

"You couldn't have known," Hotch said quietly, and Garcia nodded, saying,

"Exactly! Promise me you won't blame yourself,"

Hotch paused for a long moment and then nodded, saying, "I promise, I won't blame myself. I love you, Penelope, and I'll miss you,"

"Love you too, Aaron," She said with another sob, and then she found the wet eyes of her Chocolate Adonis, Derek Morgan.

"Baby girl, please," Morgan begged, and Garcia shook her head.

"You know I have to do this, Derek, you'd do the same if you were in my position,"

"Maybe we can switch or something," Morgan said frantically, glancing around wildly for a way out or anything that could help.

"Derek Morgan!" Garcia's voice cut sharply across the two rooms and Morgan suddenly looked at her. "Stop it. Everything happens for a reason, and I believe that. This is happening for a really good reason, and you might not see it now, but in the future you'll realize this happened for a good reason,"

"You dying is a good thing?" Morgan said incredulously, and Garcia could see the desperation in his eyes.

"I'm not saying that, I'm saying that everything happens for a reason, eventually. You'll come to realize that. Are we going to spend the last few minutes we have together arguing?"

"No, no I guess not," Morgan muttered, and he didn't take his eyes off of Garcia's.

"Good. I love you, Derek, you know that right?"

"I know. And I love you too. I really, truly love you,"

Garcia sobbed, "Do you really?"

"Yes, I do, I really do,"

"Good, because I really, truly love you too," Garcia struggled to keep control and she said, "Don't give up on love, Derek, just because I'm gone. Please, promise me you won't give up on love and trust. Promise me."

"I…I promise," He said brokenly, and then they heard a door open in Garcia's room, and the voice said,

"Time's up. Did you have a properly sad goodbye with your team?"

"That's none of your business, and they're my family." Garcia said firmly, and the voice chuckled.

"I like your spunk, Penelope. Now, should I keep the screen on and let your 'family' watch you die or should I turn it off so they don't have to witness the horror of it?"

Garcia glanced at them and saw Emily shake her head no frantically. Garcia understood and said, "Turn it off, please,"

"Penelope!" Derek yelled, and the voice chuckled again.

"I'll leave the audio on, just for you, Derek Morgan, but I'll respect Penelope's wishes and turn the screen off. Take a last look at your technical analyst, my BAU friends, this is the last time you'll see her alive,"

Garcia was staring at Emily as the screen went blank, and then she glared at the shadow that finally came into the light. "What are you going to do to me?" She asked defiantly, and the man said,

"I haven't decided yet. I could shoot you, but that's been done to you before, it would be boring. I could slit your throat, but that would be too simple. I could…" He kept going on and on about what he could do to kill Garcia, and in the other room Morgan demanded quietly,

"Why did you want him to turn the damn screen off?"

"Because I don't want him to see this," Emily shot back as she freed her hands.

"How'd you do that?" Hotch demanded, and Emily twirled a bobby pin in her hand.

"It was attached to my belt loop, I took it out of my hair yesterday and didn't have anywhere else to put it."

She bent down and unlocked the chains around her ankles and she fell to the floor and straightened gracefully. Then she hurried over to Hotch and unlocked him while JJ used another bobby pin that Emily tossed her to unlock herself, and then she unlocked Reid while Emily unlocked Rossi and then JJ unlocked Morgan.

"Now how are we going to find Garcia?" Rossi asked, and the BAU team headed for the door. It slid open and they took off in the corridors, trying to find the right room.

**Cliff-hanger! So, do you think Garcia will die? Or do you think she'll beat the odds and live? I'll post the next chapter as soon as I get it written, because I know the suspense is probably torturing all of you. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you like this story so far!**


	3. I Hold You In My Heart

**Chapter 3 is up...and it's not going to be happy, I'm sorry. I know I made all of you lovely readers think there might be a happy ending, but this story is far from over.**

**Enjoy!**

Meanwhile, the man paced around Garcia, oblivious to the slight sounds coming from the screen, but Garcia heard them and barely allowed herself to hope that she might be rescued. "So, what do you think? How would you like to die?" The man asked, and Garcia knew she had to stall.

"What I'd like to know is your name. At least give me the courtesy of letting me know who's killing me."

"Well, if you must know, my name is Martin, Martin Grayze. About 10 years ago, your BAU team was investigating a serial killer case, where the killer was targeting couples with young kids, around 10 or 11. They eventually figured out that he was orphaned by a serial killer, and that's why he was forcing his life onto other children. They were so close to catching him, when he targeted my parents and killed them. The next child got to keep his parents, but I was left an orphan and I was placed in foster care. I'm only 20 years old, can you believe that? 20 years old and I'm about to commit a murder."

"I've seen younger," Garcia said quietly, and Martin sighed.

"Yes, you've seen horrors on your screens. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, helping you leave all of that without losing your soul."

"Maybe it is."

"I'd have to be young to be able to get all of you out of your homes last night. The tough one was Agent Rossi with all of his security, and then Agent Hotchner with his son."

"What did you do to Jack?" Garcia demanded, and Martin put his hands up in surrender.

"Nothing, I didn't touch anyone else besides the team. I promise."

Garcia just glared at the man who was going to become her murderer. She only hoped her team would bring him to justice so they could have some closure.

Martin was silent for a long time and then said, "I've decided. The serial killer just shot my mother and tortured my father, and I don't believe I have the stomach for torturing you, so I guess I'll just shoot you. It's merciful enough for me to live with myself, even if it's in hell," Martin drew a gun and leveled it with Garcia's temple.

"What are you going to do after you kill me, Martin? Are you going to kill yourself?" She asked quietly, and he sighed.

"I really don't know. It all depends on if I get caught. It's been a pleasure, Penelope, enjoy heaven, since I'm sure that's where you'll be going."

Garcia closed her eyes and inexplicably thought of Derek Morgan's grinning face as a bang reverted through the room, but she realized that she wasn't dead, or shot for that matter. Her head swiveled around and she saw the door swinging open, and the members of the BAU sprinting into the room.

Another bang rang out, but this time it was a shot and she felt a searing pain in her chest. She could barely see what was going on in the room; she saw Emily and JJ trying desperately to unlock her chains while Morgan and Hotch leapt on Marvin and took him to the ground. Another shot rang out and Garcia choked out Morgan's name.

"He's okay, PG, we're all okay," Emily said breathlessly, her fingers trying to unlock the chains.

"It's that bastard that shot Garcia. He's dead." Hotch said from across the room as Morgan rushed over to Garcia's bleeding form.

"Penelope! Baby girl, baby girl look at me," Morgan begged as he looked desperately at her face. Her eyes fluttered open as Morgan ripped his shirt off and pressed it to her chest wound. "Hang on, baby girl, hang in there,"

"Hotch…Hotch! Call 911!" Emily said as she finished unlocking Garcia from the chair. JJ finished her side and they helped Morgan lower her to the ground. Hotch pulled his cell phone out and dialed 911 while Reid and Rossi stood there in shock.

"Der-Derek," Garcia mumbled, trying to focus on breathing and staying alive.

"I'm right here baby girl, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you, Penelope, hang onto that and keep breathing," Morgan said frantically, pressing down harder on her chest.

"They've been looking for us and help is on the way, they tracked my cell signal," Hotch said as he stepped back into the room and joined Rossi and Reid. Emily and JJ were kneeling by Garcia but they couldn't see of anything they could do.

"Help is on the way, Penelope, you just hang in there. Listen to my voice, sweetheart, hold on and listen to my voice,"

"I…can't…" Penelope rasped, her breath coming in gasps.

"No, no baby girl, please, stay with me, please," Morgan begged, touching her face gently. She reached up with a shaking hand and touched his cheek.

"I love you…" Her gaze moved around the entire room, seeing JJ and Emily clutching each other's hands with tears pouring down their faces. Reid was standing there with a broken-hearted look on his face, and Rossi was standing next to him with tears shining in his sad eyes. Hotch had his hand in his hair and a broken look on his face. She knew that they all knew that she wouldn't be leaving that room alive. "I love you all, and I know you love me."

"NO, Penelope, please, don't leave me, I love you too, baby girl, I love you so much, please, don't go, I need you, I need you to hang on, please," Morgan bowed his head with silent tears as Garcia's hand dropped to the floor and something in her eyes vanished as her heart stopped beating and her breath extinguished. "PENELOPE!" He all but screamed, abandoning his attempt to stop the bleeding and beginning chest compressions.

JJ broke down sobbing and fell into Emily's arms. Emily held her close as tears streamed down her own face and then her knees buckled and the two women fell to their knees in their grief. Rossi and Reid hurried over to them and Reid put his arm around JJ's shoulders, bowing his head as tears dripped from his face. Rossi wrapped Emily in his arms, his eyes closed and tears flowing too.

Hotch's hands trembled as he touched Morgan's shoulder. Morgan jerked back from him and tried blowing life back into Garcia before starting more CPR. "Derek, stop," Hotch implored, laying his hands firmly on Morgan's shoulders. "She-she's gone, Derek, stop,"

"I can't! Penelope! No!" Morgan cried before Hotch pulled him away from Garcia's body. Hotch kept his arms around the younger agent as they both cried helplessly.

The paramedics ran into the room minutes later and stopped short when they saw the BAU team grieving the loss of their technical analyst and their friend. One of them brought in the stretcher and they laid it next to Garcia, moving her onto it and starting to pull the white sheet over her when JJ lurched away from Reid and crawled next to Garcia, gasping, "Wait, wait,"

She took Garcia's hand and squeezed before bowing her head and tried to stay in control of her emotions, but let out a sob and whispered goodbye in French before Emily came up behind her and regretfully pulled Garcia's hand out of JJ's. Emily then reached forward and closed Garcia's eyes, saying quietly, "Rest in peace, PG,"

The two girls got to their feet and leaned against the wall as one of the paramedics checked them out. Rossi stood off by himself until Hotch went over to him and the two men stood together silently, staring at the white sheet that covered the body of a woman they both cared deeply for.

Reid slowly stood up and went to stand next to Morgan who had one hand on the wall and he was leaning against it. "Derek," Reid started to say, but realized it wouldn't matter what he said to try and comfort Morgan, because Morgan wouldn't listen to him. When Morgan turned to him, obviously waiting for Reid to try and tell him that it wasn't his fault, Reid just brokenly asked,

"Why?"

"That's a good question, Spencer. And I don't even think God has the answer for that one," Morgan said, shaking his head as tears came to his eyes. Reid barely recognized the use of his first name as Morgan reached out and gave Reid a hug and both men cried together for a moment and then the medics came over to check them out. Everyone was pronounced fine, except Emily had a few bruises from trying to unlock herself.

The paramedics went to lift Garcia's body up and out of the room when Morgan and Hotch came forward, asking if they could take her out instead. They were allowed to, and Morgan lifted the back while Hotch had the front. Emily and Rossi walked on one side while JJ and Reid walked on the other side and the BAU came out of the house together, just as they had come in together, only this time they had lost possibly the most important member.

Marvin's body was taken out separately and placed in a different ambulance. No one wanted the killer of Penelope Garcia within 50 feet or more of her body.

Hotch and Morgan placed Garcia's body in the ambulance and then watched as the medics went to slam the doors shut. Suddenly Rossi strode to the medics, saying, "I'm going with her."

"Me too." Morgan said decidedly and both men stepped up into the ambulance with no arguments from the medics. They turned and asked if anyone else would like to go, and they shook their heads. Truth be told, all of them wanted to go but they knew they wouldn't fit and they also knew that Morgan had to go, and that Rossi needed to go too.

There was a car waiting for the BAU agents and they walked over to it, with Emily slipping her arm through Hotch's and Reid linking JJ's hand with his. "Garcia knew, you know," Emily said quietly to Hotch as he helped her into the passenger seat.

"Knew about us?" He questioned, and she nodded, saying,

"And JJ and Reid."

"She knew about us?" JJ asked Emily with a furrowed brow, and Emily nodded as Hotch climbed into the driver's seat and started the car.

"She knew everything," Reid said with a small smile, and the other three agreed with small smiles of their own.

"I know she's up there, watching over us and everything, but…I miss her," JJ said sadly, and Emily nodded, reaching to take a hold of Hotch's hand. The car fell silent until Hotch switched the radio on to fill the silence. Eventually he pulled up to the hospital, where they met Morgan and Rossi and they said that Garcia had been taken to the morgue until arrangements could be made for a funeral.

"I don't think any of us should be alone tonight," Emily said, glancing around at the grief-stricken faces of her friends, her BAU family.

"I agree. Maybe we all could go over to Garcia's place and spend the night, and we can make arrangements for her funeral," JJ suggested, and Morgan said quietly,

"I've got a key."

"Then it's settled. We'll all meet at her apartment building in two hours," Hotch instructed, and they went their separate ways.

**Yes...now you can all hate me. I wouldn't blame you; I almost hate myself for killing Penelope Garcia. I mean, how can anyone do that? Apparently I can :( Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you'll still read this, because there's more to read! I just haven't written it yet...but I will! I promise!**


	4. I Know You're Watching Over Me

Morgan was the first to arrive, and he unlocked Garcia's front door, half expecting Garcia to be sitting on the couch watching her old films or sitting on her bed, working on her laptop or doing something in the kitchen. Instead all he got was a sad, empty feeling, and he sat on the sofa, staring at the framed picture Garcia had of all the team, and on the frame she had put stickers that spelled out 'FAMILY'.

Emily and Hotch were the next to arrive, and when Morgan showed them the picture, Emily buried her face in Hotch's chest, silent sobs wracking her body. Rossi came in next and just sat in a chair, staring at the picture until JJ and Reid walked in, and then he handed it to Reid. JJ took one look at the picture and smiled through her tears, saying, "She showed me this picture yesterday and she said she was going to copy it for everyone."

"She did," Rossi said, picking up an envelope that was lying on the table, opening it and seeing 6 copies of the same picture. He handed them out to the others and they sat there for a long moment, just looking at the picture and wishing they could go back in time and stay there forever.

When three o'clock in the morning rolled around, Morgan finished the last of the plans for the funeral and looked around, seeing JJ lying asleep on the couch with her head in Reid's lap, Emily had crawled into Hotch's arms and they were asleep in the big armchair and Rossi had been sitting by the TV but now he was stretched out in front of it with a pillow.

"It's not fair you can't be here with us, baby girl," Morgan whispered, and then grabbed his coat, heading out the door and up to the roof. He remembered the last time he and Garcia were up there.

"_What're we doing up here, Derek?" She had questioned as they stared out at the sky._

"_I wanted to talk to you. What's this I hear about you quitting the BAU, moving to live on a farm with Kevin Lynch and possibly marrying him?"_

"_Ugh, I am seriously going to glue JJ's mouth shut! And Emily's too, for that matter," Garcia groaned, and then she grabbed Morgan's arms, forcing him to face her and she said firmly, "Kevin told me he wants to move to a farm, work as an NSA agent and get married. Can you guess what I told him?"_

"_I can tell you what I hope you told him," Morgan said hesitantly, and she smiled, inviting him to continue. "I hope you told him no."_

"_Well are you the perceptive one tonight! Of course I told him no, you beautiful yet incredibly silly behavioral analyst! Do you know nothing about me? Live on a farm? Can you see me in boots mucking out a damn horse stall? Or getting up before the crack of dawn to collect chicken eggs? Or herding cattle? Are you freaking insane? I told Kevin that he could do whatever he wanted, because I am staying right here, working at the BAU with my family."_

"_But what about the marriage part?" Morgan asked hesitantly, and Garcia's smile slid off of her face. "Don't tell me you told him yes…" _

"_No, I-I told him no…it just broke my heart because I know he loves me, and I love him, but-"_

"_So what was stopping you from marrying him?" Morgan turned away, asking in a hard voice that even he didn't recognize._

"_Because I wasn't in love with him," Garcia said quietly, and Morgan froze. Slowly he turned around, barely even daring to hope. "Being with Kevin was as easy as breathing, sure we had our share of fights but it was one of those 'safe' relationships, I guess."_

_The hope Morgan had begun to feel slowly faded away and he walked over to the edge, resting his arms on the railing. "So I repeat, what was stopping you?"_

"_Because, dammit, I want someone who will fight for me, and someone that I'll fight for. I don't want to be in a boring, 'safe' relationship for the rest of my life, I want some spice, I want that fire that Kevin never had. Don't you understand, Derek?" Garcia said heatedly, and Morgan turned around, asking,_

"_What are you saying?"_

"_I'm saying that I'm in love with you, Derek, and I'm going to fight for you no matter what! Do I have to spell it out for you?"  
_

_Morgan grinned and suddenly pulled Garcia forward, pressing his lips against hers for a long moment. When they finally broke the kiss, Morgan said quietly, "I got it, baby girl. Don't worry, I'm in love with you too. And you had better believe that I'll fight for you."_

_Garcia smiled and buried her face in his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. Morgan hugged her tightly and then said, "Maybe you could use that photoshop program of yours to humor my fantasy about seeing you in a cowgirl outfit, mucking out a damn horse stall,"_

_She rolled her eyes and took his hand, saying, "In your dreams, Derek, because I'm not doing it and God knows you don't know how to do it either,"_

"_I could learn," He commented and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close._

"_Yeah, and who's going to teach you?"_

"_The best teacher around," Morgan said quietly, gently touching the tip of her nose._

"_Aw, I'm flattered, but why would I teach you how to use a program when you're just going to use it to make fun of me?"_

"_Make fun of you? I was just going to send it to Kevin, to help his fantasy of you two moving to a farm."_

"_Oh please. You know, it was strange. I broke up with Kevin weeks before he asked me to move to a farm with him. I really don't know what he was thinking."_

"_He was thinking that you were the best thing in his life and that he didn't want to lose you," Morgan said quietly, and almost instantly Garcia knew that Morgan wasn't talking about Kevin anymore._

"_Then why did he hurt me before? If I was the best thing in his life, why would he do that?"_

"_Because he's an idiot, and a complete moron who didn't realize what he had until she was almost gone." Morgan wrapped his arms around her, resting his forehead on hers._

"_And what would he have done if he wasn't such an idiot and complete moron?"_

_Morgan didn't say anything, he just closed the distance between them and captured her lips with his in a long, slow, romantic kiss._

"_So does this mean we're exclusive?" Garcia asked softly when they broke the kiss._

"_If I ever find some guy with his arms wrapped around you, baby girl, then he'll be losing those arms, along with some other vital pieces of equipment," Morgan threatened, but he grinned afterward and wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they headed back down to her apartment._

"_So, what movie are we viewing tonight?" Garcia questioned, and Morgan went over to her DVDs, perusing the contents and then pulling one out._

"_How about 'Valentine's Day'?"_

"_You? Watch a chick flick?" Garcia questioned slowly, as if questioning his sanity (which she really was)._

"_Sure. It's not impossible for Derek Morgan to watch a chick flick, especially if it'll make his baby girl happy," Morgan teased as he popped the DVD in. "I know it's one of your favorites, since you raved about it at work to Emily and JJ after you went to see it with them."_

"_Aw," She sighed, plopping down on the sofa next to Morgan with the bowl of popcorn. "I love you,"_

"_Love you too baby girl," He replied softly, wrapping his arm around her as they settled in to watch the movie. As per tradition, she would fall asleep on him, he would carry her to the bed, tuck her in and then bunk down on the sofa. Only this time he would go to leave and she would grab onto his shirt and pull him down to sleep in the bed with her. They would both fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms._


	5. Standing By Your Side

**Chapter 5 is posted! I know this took me forever to get this story updated it, but I rewrote this memory over and over until I think I got it where I wanted it. This chapter is Hotch remembering a moment he had with Garcia, and I bounced back and forth between several ideas before I finally picked this one. I hope it's written well!**

**Enjoy!  
**

Hotch woke up with a start, glancing around a few times before he mentally came back to reality. He knew that Garcia was gone, but that didn't mean that his subconscious didn't torture him with dreams of Garcia still being alive. They were peaceful ones instead of the nightmares he'd expected, memories of her. He looked down at Emily's sleeping face and knew, by her expression, that her dreams weren't nearly as peaceful as his.

As carefully as he could he stood up, turning around and setting Emily down in the chair, kissing her forehead and pulling a blanket over her. "I…I love you," He whispered, squeezing her hands one last time before pulling his jacket on and heading out the front door. Hotch headed downstairs and sat on the steps outside, staring at the sky.

"He was right, Penelope. Any one of the team might die the moment we step out of Quantico, we would've been devastated but we were prepared. We weren't prepared to lose you. Hell, we still aren't. And we never will. You're our glue, Penelope, and we're falling apart without you. Look at me, I'm sitting here, talking to someone who's not even here. I'm a wreck, and so is the rest of the team…the rest of this family."

_It was right after Haley had been murdered, and right after Hotch had murdered her murderer. Morgan had insisted on driving him home after the paramedics had bandaged him up, and in return Hotch demanded to be driven to the BAU. When he got there, he headed up to his office and stood there for a short moment before realizing that he didn't need to be standing amid all the death and horror. What he really needed was a breath of fresh air, literally._

_He walked right down the stairs and headed straight for Garcia's office. As soon as he stepped into the room, he felt some of the weight on his shoulders just disappear. He wandered through her office, looking at all of the pictures and things that were just stuff Penelope would have. The strain slowly started to drain away from him, and then he heard heels clicking behind him and he knew Garcia had returned._

"_I thought you might want some coffee." Her soft voice said from behind him, and he turned around. Without saying a word she set both cups down and added, "Would I be overstepping my boundaries if I gave you a hug right now?"_

_Hotch shook his head once and Garcia stepped forward, wrapping her arms around Hotch's waist and holding him close. Slowly Hotch encircled her with his arms and he rested his head on hers. The rest of the tension was siphoned away as he sighed and asked in a whisper, "Have, have I turned into one of those monsters we hunt?"_

"_No, Aaron, no," She murmured, and he felt his breath catch as he fought back a sob. "Aaron Hotchner, you are one of the bravest men I have ever met. You killed Foyet, not because you wanted to, but because you had to. Your son was in danger, and you were being a father, you were protecting him. The monsters we hunt kill because they want to. They may delude themselves into thinking they had to, but they're wrong. Foyet forced you to kill him. You had no other option."_

"_He wouldn't have stopped until he killed Jack. I know that. He wouldn't have stopped." Hotch said repeatedly before a sob finally broke through he cried literally on Garcia's shoulder._

"_You are absolutely right. You couldn't have saved Haley, Aaron, and I think you know that."_

"_I could have done something! I could have stopped hunting Foyet! I could have done a million things differently and Haley would still be alive. Jack would still have a mother!" Hotch exploded, shoving away from Garcia and slamming his fists into the wall._

"_You don't know that. Foyet might have still come after her and Jack. You can't dwell on 'what might have been'. Everything happens for a reason, Hotch, maybe you don't believe that but I do. You'll make yourself crazy trying to figure out where everything went wrong. Please, Aaron, please," She begged, stepping close to him and enveloping his clenched fists in her gentle hands. "Please let it go. Let it go and try to move on. You're the strongest man I have ever met, and you can get through this."_

"_What if I can't?" He voiced his deepest fear, looking at Garcia with scared, wet eyes._

"_You can, and you will. You're not alone, Aaron." She reminded him quietly and wrapped him in another hug. "I'm here for you, and so are the others. All you have to do is open up." _

"_Thank you, Penelope," Hotch said in a whisper, drawing strength from the strongest woman he'd ever known._

"_You're welcome, Aaron,"_

_He eventually pulled back, wiping his eyes. She handed him a tissue and he nodded his thanks as he looked around the room, feeling some of the good in the world seeping back into his soul. "Remember this?" Garcia said, pointing at a picture of the team when they went to the carousal together a few years back. Hotch started chuckling when he saw Morgan fighting off Garcia who was armed with face paint, Emily spraying glitter on Hotch's head and JJ trying to stick a red nose on Reid's nose. Rossi looked like he had tried to stay out of everything, but Emily sprayed glitter on him and Garcia had drawn a smiley face on his cheek._

"_Ah, good times," Hotch sighed, and Garcia caught his hands, saying earnestly,_

"_Those good times aren't over, Aaron, I promise you that,"_

"_I know," He said quietly, glancing at her._

"_And just so you know, I can watch Jack-Attack when you guys go away if you need," Garcia offered, and Hotch grinned._

"_Jack would love that. Haley's sister is staying with us, but she'll definitely want some time to herself,"_

"_Just let me know," Garcia said, and then smiled. "I think someone else wants your attention," She waved to someone behind Hotch and he turned around, seeing his little boy standing there, waving back at Garcia._

"_Hey buddy," Hotch said with a smile, bending down and picking his son up._

"_Hey Daddy. Hey Auntie Penny," Jack said, laying his head on his father's shoulder._

"_Hey there Jackie boy," Garcia said, reaching up and gently messing with his hair. "I'll leave you two here for a minute while I go refill my coffee mug," She grabbed her colorful cup and said quietly to Hotch, "Don't let your emotions build up like that again, Aaron, you can come to me and my office of healing goodness anytime,"_

_Hotch smiled softly and nodded, saying again, "Thank you, Penelope,"_

"_You're welcome, Aaron,"_

He sighed, glancing down at the spot where he could visualize Garcia's blood after she was shot. Hotch had to repress a shiver as a voice came from behind him, "There you are," Rossi came out and sat next to him. "Still scares the hell out of me when I think of her getting shot," Rossi added as he stared at the same spot Hotch had been looking at.

"I used to think about how close we came to losing her, and now, we have lost her. I tried to imagine life without Penelope when we were sitting in that waiting room, and I knew it would be terrible."

"But you never thought it would be like this," Rossi finished, adding, "I know, I tried to imagine the same thing. This is worse than anything I could've ever imagined."

"Yeah. Was Morgan back when you left?"

"No. I think he's on the roof, but Emily, JJ and Reid are still sleeping."

"No I'm not," Reid's voice came from behind them and both men turned around to see Reid walking out, yawning. "I heard the door close and then I couldn't get back to sleep."

"Didn't feel like dreaming about her anymore?" Hotch questioned, and Reid nodded sheepishly.

"They weren't bad dreams, but I felt worse once I woke up. Just some memories, like when she found that picture of Emily, and when I had to stay back and became her…well…that's not important. I think I'm just gonna go for a walk,"

Reid stepped between them and started down the walk, shoving his hands in his pockets and just wandering aimlessly. "Became her what?" Rossi inquired, and Hotch actually smiled before saying,

"Her bitch. Morgan was still laughing about it when he got on the plane and he told me that just before he left, Garcia told Reid 'you're my bitch now'."

**I know you probably all still hate me for killing Garcia, but I had the idea in my head of what the BAU would do without their glue (which I consider to be Penelope) and this story evolved. I promise I will update soon, I've already got half of the next chapter written :) Thank you soooo much for your patience! I love you all! Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you liked it!**


	6. I Felt Like I Could Fly

Rossi chuckled and linked his hands together, staring off into space as he remembered a few months back when the team had returned from a hard case and he had imbibed way too much alcohol in his office. He was trying to figure out how he was going to get home when Garcia was on her way out, and she went up to his office to see why his light was still on.

"_Rossi? Sir? Are you in here?" She asked tentatively, knocking on his door._

"_I'm in here," Rossi slurred, and Garcia knew immediately that he was drunk._

"_All right, sir, let's get you out of here," Garcia instructed, stepping over to him and turning his light off. Rossi stood up on his own but when he swayed, she grabbed onto him and slung one of his arms over her shoulders._

"_I can walk," Rossi insisted, but he barely took two steps before Garcia was forced to catch him. She managed to help him down to her car, and then she drove straight to her apartment. "I don't live here," Rossi said with a strange look._

"_I'm sorry, sir, but you live too far away. You can crash on my sofa tonight and I'll take you to work tomorrow. Don't worry about a thing, sir," Garcia assured him and helped him up to her apartment where he collapsed on her sofa, dead to the world. She chuckled and managed to get his jacket, tie and shoes off of him, but she didn't touch his belt, thinking that he would get the wrong idea if he woke up without his belt on._

_She set his stuff aside and then took a long shower. When she was dressed in her pajamas she stepped back into the living room and saw Kevin Lynch standing in the doorway. "Hey Kevin," She said cheerfully, walking over to him and intending to give him a kiss._

"_What the hell is going on?" He demanded, staring at a sleeping Rossi._

"_He was completely wasted after work, and everyone else was gone. I couldn't let him try to get home on his own, so I brought him here. He lives way too far away for me to drive him home, I figured he'd crash on my sofa and I'd take him to work tomorrow. Not a big deal."_

"_Are you sure that's all it was?"_

"_Positive. Where are you going with this argument?" She said, dangerous flames dancing in her eyes._

"_You know damn well where I'm going! Another man in your apartment at this hour? What the hell, Penelope?"_

"_I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. I told you the truth. Get over yourself!" Garcia stated, turning towards her bed. Kevin grabbed onto her arm and yanked her back around, snarling,_

"_What, you don't think my concern is legit?"_

"_No, I don't. He is one of my bosses, for God's sake!"_

_They argued back and forth for a good half hour before Kevin called Garcia a slut and she slapped him across the face. He gingerly touched his face and then glared at Garcia, raising his own hand. She flinched and just as his hand came down and slapped her, someone grabbed Kevin and bodily tossed him out of Garcia's apartment, slamming the door and locking it._

"_Agent Rossi?" Garcia gasped, and he winced._

"_Please don't yell,"_

_A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth as he walked back towards her, looking at her cheek. "I'm okay, Agent Rossi,"_

"_Yeah, sure," He muttered, walking over to the freezer and getting some ice cubes, wrapping them in a towel he spotted nearby and pressing it to Garcia's face. "Better?"_

"_Much. Thank you," She said gratefully and then she went over to the fridge, pulling out a container and pouring the deep red liquid into a glass. "Here, Agent Rossi, for your hangover. It's specially made to drink in the middle of the night so it helps early, then you won't feel that terrible in the morning."_

_He took a sip and made a face. "Thanks. And after everything that's happened, I think you can call me Dave. At least drop the 'Agent' bit,"_

"_I'll try to remember that. And finish that," She said, indicating the drink. He downed the rest of it, and nearly gagged._

"_What is in this?"_

"_You don't want to know," Garcia said, pulling him to his feet and taking him back to the sofa. They both sat down and Garcia flipped the TV on, but kept it as low as it could go._

"_How long?" Rossi asked quietly, and Garcia looked over at him with furrowed eyebrows. _

"_How long what?"_

"_How long has Lynch been hitting you?"_

"_Honestly, Agent Rossi," She started to say, but he looked at her pointedly. "Sorry, Dave, I mean, but really Kevin is just a teddy bear most of the time, but when he starts drinking, he gets mean. He was drunk tonight, and no I'm not saying that's an excuse, but he's never hit me sober. And trust me, I give as good as I get,"_

"_So he has hit you before," Rossi murmured, and Garcia nodded, looking down at her feet._

"_Don't tell the rest of the team, please,"_

"_I won't, but why not?"_

"_Because I know they're going to think that I don't have good judgment or something because I didn't break up with him the moment he hit me the first time. But he was drunk, and I smacked him back, and he was fine when he was sober, didn't even remember hitting me. Plus, I used to be in love with him. It's easier to forgive someone you love," Garcia said, still looking down._

_Rossi reached over and touched her chin, bringing her face up until she was looking at him. "No man has the right to hit you, sober or not. Just remember that. But I won't tell anyone else."_

"_Thank you," She said gratefully, and then stood up with a sigh. "I'm going to bed, but you can watch TV or whatever, it won't bother me,"_

_Rossi stood up with a nod and said, "All right. Tomorrow I'm coming over to change the locks on your door, and I know I can't make you do anything, but if I see you on the arm of that bastard Lynch again, I will break his face."_

"_I understand. I'll have to see him one more time to break up with him and give him his stuff back, but other than that, I have no desire to see that man ever again. I'm not going to be with a man that hits me."_

"_Good girl. Good night." He gave her a hug, and she sighed before drawing back._

"_Night, Dave," She said, kissing his cheek before getting into bed. "And thank you, for everything."_

Rossi smiled, and Hotch gave him a funny look. "What's so funny?" Hotch questioned, and Rossi said,

"Remember that one case that got to me, and I stayed at the BAU even later than you did?" When Hotch nodded, Rossi continued with the entire story and when he finished telling the tale, Hotch was grinning and shaking his head.

"You're not a very good drunk, are you Dave?"

"Definitely not. And I haven't seen Kevin Lynch since. Think I left an impression on him?"

"I'd say so. Why didn't she ever say anything to me about Lynch hitting her? I never even noticed…"

"Don't fault yourself that, the woman can work wonders with makeup. She made me promise not to tell anyone, and that she'd report him if he hit her again. From what I heard, she didn't give him another chance."

"That's what I heard. She saw him at work, gave him his key and a box of his stuff, demanded her stuff back and her key back. Then she kicked him to the curb,"

Rossi nodded. "Good thing too, or I would've kicked him literally. I'm not about to let some guy slap our Garcia around."

"If I had been there, I would've punched him." Hotch admitted, wishing for the umpteenth time that he had a drink in his hand. But he also knew that if he did get a drink, he wouldn't stop until he was stone-cold drunk.


	7. I Will Face The Darkest Days

Meanwhile, Reid had wandered halfway around the block before he felt his tears splash down his cheeks. "I miss you, Garcia," He admitted in a whisper as he kept putting one foot in front of the other.

"_It is time to clear out, Dr. Genius," Garcia announced as she walked into the BAU from her office. Everyone else was still at their desks and they watched as Garcia walked over to Reid and closed the file he was working on._

"_Hey! I was doing something," He protested as she pulled him up from his desk._

"_And now you're doing something else. Come of your own free will or I'll get Morgan to carry you out," She threatened, pointing her fuzzy pen at him. Reid gulped and glanced over at Morgan who was laughing._

"_All right, all right, I'm coming. Where are we going, exactly?"_

"_A surprise. Let's go." She dragged him out of the BAU, waving as she went. When the pair of them were in the elevator, Reid turned to Garcia and asked again,_

"_Where are we going?"_

"_To my apartment. We are going to veg out in front of the TV, order in, and watch some mindless comedies and give your whirling brain a rest for once."_

"_Do I have a choice?" He questioned, and she turned towards him, a hurt look on her face._

"_Are you saying that you don't want to hang out with me?"_

"_Oh, Garcia I never said that and I never meant that," He said hastily, and she smiled as the elevator doors slid open and she strode out, heading straight for her car._

"_Good. And you do have a choice, you have a choice in what movies we watch, but I have veto power. Deal?"_

"_All right, deal," Reid agreed and Garcia grinned as she drove to her apartment._

_An hour later, Reid and Garcia were camped out on the sofa, eating pizza and watching 'Jackass'. Reid kept his running commentary on how certain things could never happen in real life until Garcia sighed and paused the movie, saying,_

"_Spencer Reid, this night is for one purpose and one purpose only: to help you relax. You've been so wound up lately and I just wanted you to chill out for once. Please, for my sake, can't you just slow that genius brain of yours?"_

"_I can try," He acquiesced, and she smiled, leaning over and hugging him. After a moment he rested his arm on her shoulders until the movie was done. "That was a good movie," He admitted, and she giggled, sitting up and saying,_

"_It was a dumb movie, but then again, the title just says it all."_

"_Yeah it does," Reid agreed and they broke out laughing. After a few moments Reid sobered and frowned, wincing._

"_What's wrong?" She asked in concern, and he shook his head, saying,_

"_Nothing, I'm fine,"_

"_Yeah, and I can't hack into the corner store security cameras," Garcia mocked dryly. Reid cracked a smile and sighed, leaning back and saying,_

"_I've been getting these headaches lately," He told Garcia all about his headaches and when he finished, she sighed and said,_

"_I am barely resisting the urge to smack you upside the head, and since you have a headache, I won't, but Spencer Reid! I thought you were a genius, don't you know that you need to get these headaches checked out by a doctor?"_

"_I am a doctor, though," Reid protested weakly, and Garcia reared up, pointing at him and saying,_

"_Yes, but I want a second opinion. Go see a doctor! Is it that hard for you to do something like that?"_

_Reid sighed and leaned back, saying, "Well, let's just say I'm not a big fan of hospitals. When I was a kid, we'd always be in the hospital, me and my mother, whenever something happened to her or something happened to me because of her."_

"_Oh, Reid," Garcia soothed, smoothing his hair with her hand as he told her about some of the trips to the hospital._

"_And then when you got shot, and Hotch got stabbed, and then Emily 'died', it just made me hate hospitals even more." Reid quietly admitted. Garcia just wrapped her arms around the young genius and held him close._

"_I've been told my hugs work wonders for hurting hearts. I know I can't say anything to make you feel better, so I thought I'd try one of my magical hugs," Garcia said with a smile, and Reid smiled back in spite of his feelings at that moment._

"_Well, I suppose I'd agree with those that have told you your hugs work wonders." Reid said a few moments later, and Garcia drew back, grabbing a handful of DVD cases and fanning them out for Reid to look at._

"_You pick." He smiled again and pointed to 'Finding Nemo'._

_In the morning, Reid awoke to find himself lying on Garcia's couch with a blanket over him and a pillow under his head. He glanced around and saw Garcia sleeping in the chair, the remote in her hand as she was curled up almost like a cat. He then glanced at his watch and saw that they needed to get up and get to the BAU or they would both be late._

"_Garcia…Garcia wake up…" Reid muttered as he got to his feet and stretched, rubbing his head and discovering that he didn't have a headache. Usually he woke up with one of his headaches._

"_I'm awake," Garcia moaned as she snuggled into the chair more._

"_No you're not, and if you don't get up now we'll both be late for work. Do you mind if I use your shower?"_

"_No, go ahead," Garcia groaned as she sat up, yawning. "I'll make breakfast." Reid nodded and as he passed her chair he bent down and kissed her on the cheek._

"_Thank you for what you did and said last night. Normally I wake up in the morning with a headache, but not this morning."_

"_You are ever so welcome. Any time." She said sincerely, squeezing his hands before shooing him towards the bathroom and getting up herself, heading to the kitchen and pouring two bowls of cereal._

_Eventually the two of them made it to the BAU looking as presentable as they could, and when they stepped from the elevator Reid quoted 'Finding Nemo' in the perfect voice and Garcia started laughing, wrapping her left arm around his waist as he slung his right arm over her shoulders. They walked into the BAU together and saw Morgan, Emily, JJ, Rossi and even Hotch staring at them with the strangest expressions._

"_Didn't you wear those clothes yesterday Reid?" Hotch asked as he descended the stairs, and JJ's eyes grew wide and Morgan looked ready to kill._

"_Oh, you guys sure know how to ruin a moment, don't you?" Garcia said exasperatedly, glancing at Reid and rolling her eyes._

"_She means that…it's not like we did anything…" Reid stammered, and Garcia laughed._

"_What, you don't want them to think we had ourselves some fun last night?" Reid looked at her with wide deer-in-the-headlights eyes and she sighed, dropping her arm and saying,_

"_Fine. I dragged Reid to my apartment last night and forced him to sit through a few mindless comedies, like 'Jackass'. I told him that he needed to relax for once in his life, and he did. We both fell asleep in the middle of 'The Hangover' and we're late because I didn't set my alarm clock. Anything else you jumpers to conclusions want to know?"_

"_No, I'm good," Rossi said with a shrug, heading back to the stairs and Hotch just shook his head in amusement and followed Rossi._

_Morgan just muttered under his breath and turned back to his desk after shooting a suspicious look at Reid and JJ nodded with a chuckle and went back to her office while Garcia beckoned to Emily and the two girls walked off, discussing how they would get their Dr. Spencer Reid to the doctor. Reid told Garcia on the way to BAU that morning that he told Emily about the headaches._

"_Nothing happened, Morgan, I swear! She was just being a friend," Reid insisted as he sat down at his own desk. Morgan just glared at him and muttered something else. "Listen, Morgan, I felt like complete crap yesterday, and Garcia basically forced me to feel better. No one's ever done that for me before. I just, I guess I needed a friend yesterday, and I'm grateful Garcia knew that."_

"_Yeah, she's pretty intuitive. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, kid," Morgan said with a shrug, glancing over at Reid._

"_It's okay. But if I were you, I'd tell her how you feel before it's too late. Don't try to deny it, Morgan, that look in your eyes when I walked in with Garcia basically sent up a flare to everyone in the room."_

"_All right, Pretty Boy, I'll tell her how I feel the day you tell JJ how you feel." Morgan countered, and Reid blushed before busying himself with paperwork._

"_Deal."_

Reid ended up back at the apartment building and he leaded against the gate, staring out in space and half-smiling. "I meant what I said to Morgan that day. I meant every word."

"Every word of what?" Hotch asked as he stepped up next to Reid, making the young man jump. "Sorry," Hotch apologized, putting his hand on Reid's shoulder and squeezing gently.

"I was just remembering the first movie sleepover I had with Garcia," Reid sighed, glancing up at the sky. Hotch chuckled, saying,

"My first was after Haley died. Jessica actually got to go be with her friends for a weekend and Garcia basically kidnapped Jack and forced me to come over her apartment and we watched mindless movies all weekend. I'm pretty sure that weekend pulled me through Haley's death. It was the first time I'd laughed since the funeral."

"My first was a few weeks before Emily 'died'. She dragged me from the BAU to her apartment and that's when I told her about my headaches. That night she was a friend, a friend that even I didn't know I needed, but somehow she knew."

"She always did know." Hotch agreed, shaking his head.

"My first was after that terrible pedophile case, I came back and I was going to get drunk but instead Garcia dragged me out of the BAU, took me to her apartment and we watched a bunch of those mindless movies. This was just after Kevin came and talked to me that one day." Rossi said as he came up beside the other two men.

"What're we gonna do without her?" Reid asked quietly, looking down at his feet.

"No clue." Hotch admitted, running his hand through his hair and closing his eyes.


	8. Fight Back The Tears Inside

**Chapter 8 has been posted! This chapter will be Emily remembering a time with Garcia, not a very happy time either. It's when she comes back to the BAU, and I changed it from the show, I changed Garcia's reaction and Morgan's reaction.**

**Enjoy!**

Meanwhile, once Reid had somehow managed to lift JJ's head, slide a pillow underneath and gotten up and left the apartment without waking JJ, Emily awoke with a start. She instinctively reached for Hotch, but when her hands touched the back of the chair she knew he was gone. As her eyes adjusted to the dark, she saw that she was the only one in the apartment besides JJ, and that she was the only one who was awake.

With a sigh she pushed herself upright and then she got to her feet, stretching and tunneling her hands through her hair. Emily then walked over to the window, gently touching the drapes as she stared out at the moon. Another sigh escaped her lips just as a lone tear ran down her cheek. She remembered Garcia's expression the moment she walked back into the BAU after being thought dead by her closest, dearest friends.

"_Everyone," Hotch said as he walked into the BAU, glancing at Rossi, Reid, Morgan and Garcia. "I know it's been tough with Seaver leaving, but I've got a few surprises. Firstly, our teamwork with the DoD on the hunt for Ian Doyle has not gone unnoticed, and now that he's dead…" He paused for some effect and then smiled, an extreme rarity, adding, "JJ's coming back."_

_The doors opened and a very familiar blonde walked back into the BAU, grinning at her friends. Garcia immediately hurried over to her and gave her a big hug, and then she forced herself to step back as the others hugged her. _

"_What's the other surprise?" Rossi asked when all the excitement had gone down. Garcia was now standing between Morgan and JJ, and she had her arms wrapped around both of her best friends._

"_Well, this one will come as a much bigger shock, but...I think actions speak louder than words in this case." He waved at the doors and they opened again, only this time a different woman walked in. She was just as familiar as JJ, but this woman had dark hair, dark eyes and the face of Emily Prentiss._

"_No…" Morgan whispered, and Reid's mouth dropped open. Rossi was the only one who moved, stepping forward and touching Emily's arm._

"_She's real. She's really here." Rossi said in amazement, and then Emily smiled. Rossi wrapped his arms around her for a long moment, fighting back tears._

"_Emily?" Reid asked quietly, and Emily walked over to him, gently poking his cheek and teasing,_

"_He's so life-like. And so am I, Reid, I'm alive,"_

_Reid just hugged her, still not being able to believe that Emily was alive. He reluctantly let go of her as she turned to Morgan. "How could you do this to us?" He asked, his hurt evident in his voice and on his face._

"_Morgan, I had to, if I hadn't faked my death then Doyle would've killed me for real,"_

"_We could've protected you!" Morgan shouted, and he glanced at Hotch and JJ and suddenly all the pieces fell into place. "You knew. Both of you knew. I thought those looks you two have been giving each other lately were just something not important, but you knew! You knew she was alive and you kept it from us! How could you!"_

"_Morgan, we had to, the fewer people that knew, the better." Hotch said firmly, and Morgan demanded,_

"_So you don't trust us? Is that it?"_

"_No, Morgan, of course not," JJ said soothingly, and Emily walked up to him, putting her hands on his shoulders._

"_Derek Morgan, I had no choice. Neither did Hotch or JJ. All I can promise you is that I won't do it again. The only thing JJ, Hotch and I can do is apologize. And I am so sorry that you all had to go through this. I truly am. But are you going to hang onto this or are you going to let it go and move on? Isn't having me back good enough?" Emily pleaded, and Morgan caved, wrapping his arms around her._

"_Where's Garcia?" JJ asked, looking around in confusion._

"_She ran out when Emily walked in," Hotch said quietly, and Emily turned around, asking,_

"_And you didn't go after her?"_

"_I'm not the one she needs right now."_

_Emily nodded and squared her shoulders. "Well, I'm about to get exactly what I deserve." She walked in the direction she knew Garcia had gone. It was where Garcia always went when she was distraught. Emily went straight up to the roof and found Garcia kneeling over by the edge, her face buried in her hands. "Hey PG." Emily said quietly, and Garcia suddenly froze._

"_I'm not speaking to you."_

_That cut into Emily's heart, but she knew she deserved it. "Would it help if I said I'm sorry?"_

"_Are you going to mean it?"_

"_With all of my heart."_

"_Then maybe."_

"_I am so sorry, Penelope, but I honestly didn't see any other option. When the doctors saved my life and I woke up, I immediately demanded to be presumed dead. I never dreamed that they'd involve Hotch and JJ, knowing what kind of burden would be placed on their shoulders. Every night, Penelope, I dreamed of coming back, and I could only hope that no one would hate me for what I did, but after I listened to that voice mail you left me," She kneeled down next to Garcia, continuing, "I knew that you and the team would find Doyle. I put my faith and my trust in that, and I took myself out of the picture. Without me to worry about, you found Doyle, and now he's dead. I can stop looking over my shoulder. And for that, I will always be grateful."_

"_You do what you have to do for family." Garcia muttered, shaking her head._

"_We both know that. So why are you crying?"_

"_Because I failed you! I failed the whole team!" Garcia screamed, leaping to her feet and whipping around to face Emily with misery etched across her face. "I should've searched more for you. Granted, after JJ told us you were gone I refused to believe it, and then I went home and scoured the internet for any trace of you. I searched for days, right up until your funeral, and when they put that casket in the ground, I finally forced myself to believe that you were dead. I gave up, I stopped looking and I let you go!"_

"_That's what I needed you to do, PG," Emily said soothingly, and Garcia shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself._

"_No! What you needed was your family. We are your family, Emily, and yes I know we're not your only family, but you are a part of the BAU family. And family doesn't leave family behind! Maybe the others were more focused on finding Doyle, but I wasn't! I was barely any help to them at all! I know they brought Kevin in to do the work that I couldn't, and I know they tried to hide it from me, I'm not stupid! Maybe you needed me to let you go, but I needed you! I swore to myself I would never let anyone go, but I broke every code I believe in after your funeral! I deleted everything on my computer of you, and I basically tried to make it like you never existed. And for that, I will never forgive myself."_

"_There's nothing wrong with that, Penelope, it's grief, you were grieving,"_

"_And that's not an excuse." Garcia said flatly, drawing herself together emotionally. _

"_Please, PG, don't walk away, please," Emily begged, and Garcia shook her head._

"_It's not you, Emily, it's me. It's cliché and I'm sorry, but it's true. I just can't."_

_She walked towards the door and kicked it. Both she and Emily heard the yelp of surprise coming from the person listening on the other side. "Polishing the keyhole?" Garcia said sarcastically to Morgan who had given the surprised yelp. She strode right past him and then JJ and then Hotch and then Reid and Rossi before she broke out into a full run, heading straight down as fast as she could before the others could see her fall apart._

"_So I guess you heard everything," Emily sighed to the team and she walked past them without another word._

"_You know, I thought Garcia was going to give Emily hell, but instead, she gave herself hell. That woman is just full of surprises, isn't she?" Morgan said, shaking his head._

_A week later, Emily was about to go into Garcia's office and get on her knees to beg for her to speak to her. Instead, Garcia came tearing out of her office with her coat on and she basically kidnapped Emily from the BAU and took her back to her apartment._

"_PG, are you ever going to forgive me?" Emily asked desperately as Garcia shut the door to her apartment._

"_Can you ever forgive me for trying to erase you from my life?" Garcia asked in a small voice, and Emily wrapped her arms around the technical analyst._

"_Of course, Garcia, I forgive you. And I am so sorry,"_

"_I know." Garcia said quietly, giving Emily a small smile as she popped a movie in._

"_Are you ever going to forgive me?" Emily asked softly as she sat on the couch next to Garcia._

"_I'm working on it. I'll let you know, okay?"_

"_As long as we can still be friends while you're working on it,"_

"_You got yourself a deal, girlfriend," Garcia said with a giggle and broke out the bottle of wine. By midnight both girls were drunk and crying over the 'Titanic'._

"_Only the good die young, right GP?" Emily slurred as she raised her glass for a toast with Garcia._

"_You got that right, sister. We'll both be living a very long time,"_

Emily leaned her forehead against the glass and felt a few more tears drip down her face. After that night, she and Garcia had gone back to the way they were before Emily faked her death. But there was still that nagging voice in the back of Emily's head that kept telling her that Garcia would never forgive her for what she did, and that Emily couldn't forgive Garcia for not forgiving her.

"I'm sorry it took this tragedy for us to forgive each other, PG," Emily murmured, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around herself. A sob broke free from her shaking body and JJ awoke with a start.

**So I know Garcia totally forgave Emily in like the first second pretty much, but I made her kinda blame herself and not forgive herself, which is something she would do. I hope you like this story so far and thanks so much for reading! The next chapter will have JJ's memory of Garcia which will be relatively hilarious.**


	9. I Can't Turn This Page

**Chapter 9 has been posted! This chapter has JJ remembering Garcia dragging her to a karaoke bar and they get up on the stage and sing an Avril Lavigne song, and then they have to deal with both the hangover and the aftermath at Quantico…**

**Enjoy!**

Like Emily, JJ's dreams hadn't been all that pleasant. She dreamt of the ways that she could've saved Garcia, all of them impossible but there all the same. Carefully she sat up, glancing around the apartment and seeing everyone gone, except someone sitting at the window and sobbing.

Almost immediately JJ knew it was Emily, and she got to her feet, walking over to the brunette and wrapping her arms around her from behind. "I keep hoping that she'll come back to us, just like I did, but I know, I know that she's not. We all watched her die. She bled out on the floor of that miserable torture chamber," Emily sobbed, and JJ said through her tears,

"But she saw something good before she died. The last face she saw wasn't the face of the man that killed her, Emily, the last faces she saw were ours. She looked us all in the eye and told us that she loved us, and that she knew we loved her."

"I know, I know! And that's supposed to be closure but I don't want closure! I want Garcia back!" Emily cried, and JJ nodded, closing her eyes as the tears flowed freely.

"So do I. I miss her."

_JJ rubbed her forehead as she glanced at the pile of files sitting ominously on her desk. She sighed as she pulled another one towards her, opening it and starting to write. All of a sudden her door flew open and Garcia dashed in, shutting the door and leaning against it, breathing heavily._

"_I'm not here!" Garcia gasped before nearly leaping behind JJ's desk as her door flew open yet again._

_Morgan stepped in and glanced around. "Have you seen Garcia?"_

"_No, why?" JJ said innocently before starting to write in her case folder again._

"_Because I keep getting these calls about a damn personal ad on some website," Morgan spat, and JJ had to repress a laugh._

"_Well, I haven't seen her, sorry,"_

_Morgan took one last glance around before storming back out. JJ burst out laughing and Garcia got to her feet, saying, "Thanks."_

"_No problem. He deserved that personal ad. I still can't believe he had the audacity to completely crash the first date you had after Kevin."_

"_I know! I was having a great time until he showed up and just screwed everything up." Garcia complained, and then JJ sighed,_

"_It's Friday night and I've still got tons of work to do."_

_Garcia made a snap decision and shut JJ's folder, taking her pen and saying, "Not anymore." She stood up and pulled out her phone, saying, "Meet me in the parking lot in 20 minutes or I'm going to come back and fetch you, okay?"_

"_Can I ask why?"_

"_Because it's Friday and we both need a break." Garcia said simply and then she cautiously walked out of JJ's office, looking around for Morgan. She wasn't afraid of him, per se, she was just looking to avoid a confrontation where both of them would end up yelling at the other. That tended to happen when Morgan did something stupid, and Garcia did something in revenge to him in return._

_About 20 minutes later, JJ met Garcia down by her car. "So, where are we going, exactly?" JJ questioned as she climbed in Garcia's car._

"_You'll see," was the cryptic reply, and JJ just sighed and messed with the radio as Garcia kept driving. Eventually she pulled up to a bar, and JJ glanced around, saying,_

"_I don't think we've ever been here before,"_

"_Nope," Garcia replied with a grin as she got out of the car and shut the door, and as JJ did she same she saw the flashing neon sign that read 'KARAOKE NIGHT'._

"_Oh no," JJ said in denial, shaking her head but laughing all the same._

"_Oh yes, Jayje, let's get going," Garcia insisted, grabbing her friend's arm and dragging her into the bar. There was a bunch of people in there and they squeezed their way through to the bar._

"_Who's driving home?" JJ asked as she ordered her favorite drink, and Garcia replied,_

"_I'll have Davey call a taxi. He's the bartender and a good friend of mine, and he lives in the same apartment building as me. He'll drive my car home for me, since he usually walks to work unless I give him a ride."_

_JJ just shrugged and drank half of her drink in one gulp. Garcia did the same and the two of them proceeded to finish their first drink together and order another one. "So what's up with you and Reid?" Garcia asked, and JJ looked over at her in shock._

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Oh, c'mon, Jayje, ever since you and Will broke up and he moved back to Texas or wherever he came from, you and Reid have been getting pretty close."_

"_Nothing's going on between us, Garcia, you're crazy. We're just good friends. He likes Henry so sometimes he comes over to see the little tyke."_

"_Whatever you say," Garcia said with a little eye roll. JJ just shook her head in disbelief as a good song came on. "Let's dance!" Garcia demanded, grabbing JJ's hand and pulling her into the fray on the dance floor._

_She held onto JJ's hands and began to dance, singing along to Rihanna's lyrics. "Cheers to the freaking weekend, I drink to that, yea-yeah," _

"_There's a party at the bar, everybody put your glasses up and I drink to that!" JJ sang along, spinning Garcia around as they both started laughing._

_When the song finished, both girls made their way back to the bar and ordered another drink. As JJ excused herself to the bathroom, Garcia hurried up to the stage and talked to the man running the karaoke night._

_JJ came back to the bar and Garcia had a knowing smirk on her face. "What did you do?" JJ asked as she took a drink._

"_Nothing much…" Garcia said with a smirk and then the guy on the stage announced,_

"_And now, we've got two of the FBI's finest with us tonight, and they're gonna serenade us with some karaoke!"_

"_Oh no…" JJ said in denial, shaking her head. Garcia giggled and grabbed JJ's wrist, pulling her towards the stage. Eventually both girls were on stage and the man handed them both microphones._

"_We'll be singing 'What The Hell' by Avril Lavinge," Garcia announced, and then the music started._

"_You say that I'm messing with your head," Garcia sang, and pointed at JJ._

"_All 'cuz I was making out with your friend,"_

_Slowly but surely JJ got into it, and they sang the chorus together, belting, "All my life I've been good, but now, I'm thinking what the hell, all I want is to mess around, and I don't really care about, if you love me, if you hate me, you can take me baby, baby, all my life I've been good but now, whoa what the hell?"_

_They finished the song with, "All my life I've been good, but now, whoa what the hell? La, la, la la la la la la, la, la la la la la la la!"_

_JJ and Garcia received a standing ovation and they both took a bow and then ran offstage, laughing so hard they were crying. "I don't think I've ever had so much fun in my entire life!" JJ gasped, wiping her eyes as she kept laughing._

"_Me neither, Jayje, me neither," Garcia agreed, and they finished their last drink and headed back to Garcia's place to watch some movies and fall asleep on the couch, since Henry was with Reid that night per request of Garcia._

_The next morning they both dragged themselves into work and JJ was sitting in Garcia's office with both of them sipping some of Garcia's hangover remedy. Suddenly, Emily burst through the door and said,_

"_Oh my God, you two are viral!" _

"_Not so loud," JJ moaned, glancing over at Emily._

"_What do you mean, viral?" Garcia asked, and Emily went over to one of Garcia's computers and tapped a few keys._

"_I mean you two are a serious Internet sensation."_

_Both Garcia and JJ peered at the computer screen and saw them on the karaoke stage, belting out Avril Lavigne's song. The views on the video was in the millions, and Garcia's jaw dropped._

"_Who recorded this?" JJ demanded, and Garcia started laughing._

"_They always record the karaoke singers, I forgot about that! I never knew they posted them!"_

"_Oh God, what is Strauss going to say?" JJ asked as she started laughing too._

"_You're about to find out. She wants to see the two of you in her office," Hotch said from the doorway, and all three girls turned around in surprise._

"_Oops. Sorry JJ," Garcia muttered, and JJ shrugged._

_The two of them got up and walked past Hotch, and Garcia noticed the sides of his mouth twitching, like he was fighting a smile. "You're just jealous because I didn't invite you," She whispered to him and walked away with JJ. Hotch broke out into a smile and Emily shook her head._

"_I told you Garcia can make anyone smile,"_

_JJ and Garcia knocked on Strauss's door and stepped inside. Strauss gestured for them to sit down and Garcia immediately started babbling, "It was my fault, ma'am, I basically shoved JJ up on that stage and I completely forgot that they record the karaoke singers and I know the bartender pretty well and I should've known that he would post it on the internet but I never thought…"_

"_It's okay, Garcia. I didn't bring the two of you in here to yell at you."_

"_You didn't?" JJ asked in confusion, and Strauss shook her head._

"_I brought you in here to tell you the director of the FBI saw the video and he wanted to congratulate the two of you for bringing some positive media to the FBI. You two are pretty good singers and the media picked up on that. They're praising the FBI for letting its agents have fun to combat the stress of this job. They've got psychologists and everything on the media channels saying how good it is to have fun."_

_JJ's and Garcia's mouths dropped open. "So we're not in trouble?"_

"_Not at all. But if I were you, I would go take care of those hangovers." Strauss said, and dismissed them. They walked out of the office with shell-shocked faces._

"_Oh God, she didn't fire you two did she?" Emily gasped when they walked down to the bullpen area._

"_I'll go talk to her," Hotch said immediately, and Garcia grabbed his arm._

"_She, she told us the director of FBI wanted to congratulate us for bringing positive media to the FBI. We just got commended, not reprimanded," She said in surprise, and JJ started laughing._

"_We were drunk on camera and we got commended for it," Garcia began to laugh and pretty soon the two women were incontrollable. Emily joined in the laughter and so did Hotch as Reid, Morgan and Rossi walked into the BAU._

"_What the hell?" Morgan asked in confusion._

_That just made Garcia and JJ laugh harder, leaving Emily and Hotch to explain what happened._

**End of this chapter! Did you catch that, with Morgan and the name of the song that Garcia and JJ sang together? I thought I was so clever when I wrote that haha. Now that everyone has had their memory about Garcia, it's time to go back to the real world. Hotch still has to tell Jack, and JJ still has to tell Henry. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you like this story so far!**


	10. Or Hold Back The Tide

**Chapter 10 has been updated! So yes, this chapter has the sad part of Hotch telling Jack and JJ telling Henry that Garcia is gone, but first the team has breakfast together and they discuss the fact that Strauss wants them to come in and give their statements. But first, there's some Aaron/Emily and Reid/JJ comfort going on.**

**Enjoy!**

JJ wiped her eyes and looked around, asking, "Where'd the boys go?"

"Morgan probably went to the roof, and I guess Hotch, Rossi and Reid went for walks or just went outside." Emily said, grabbing a tissue and blowing her nose.

"I'm gonna go find Reid," JJ said, and Emily stood up, saying,

"I'll go with you and find Aaron."

The two women linked hands and walked out of the apartment, heading downstairs. They stepped outside and saw Hotch sitting on the steps. He glanced back at them and stood up, saying, "I thought you two would be sleeping."

"Who can sleep?" JJ joked weakly, and Emily shrugged. Hotch nodded and said,

"Reid went to take another walk around the block,"

"I'll find him," JJ said and let go of Emily's hand with one last squeeze. She disappeared around the corner and Hotch reached for Emily, wrapping his arms around her as she buried her face in his chest and allowed herself to cry. He slowly stroked her back and rested his head on top of hers.

"I miss her, Aaron," Emily whispered, and he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I miss her too, Emily,"

He scooped her up into his arms and sat back down on the steps, cradling her in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder and he softly kissed her forehead. "I heard you," She mumbled, looking up at him with red-rimmed eyes.

"What?" Hotch asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Earlier, when you left Garcia's apartment, I heard what you said."

"Did you?" He said quietly, waiting on pins and needles to hear what she was going to say next.

"I love you too," Emily replied, burrowing into his arms even further. He held her tightly and closed his eyes, sighing.

JJ shoved her hands in her pockets as she walked around the block, looking for Reid. She found him leaning against a telephone pole, looking up at the stars. Carefully she stepped next to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She felt his arms encircle her body and hold her close as she looked up at him. "You okay?" He asked quietly, looking down at her.

"No. None of us are, but we will be," JJ said, resting her head against his chest and allowing a single tear to slip down her cheek.

"Yes we will be, eventually," Reid agreed, leaning his head against hers and closing his eyes with a sigh. "I love you," He said quietly, and JJ pulled back to look at him.

"I love you too," She whispered, and kissed him. He kissed her back for a long moment and then rested his forehead against hers.

"I just, I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you, and you not knowing just how I feel about you," He murmured, and she nodded.

"I understand. God, Spence, why her? I know she said that everything happens for a reason, but what good will come of her death? Nothing!" She said in a grief-filled voice.

"The more we try to make sense of this, the more confused we'll be," Reid said sadly, and JJ took a few deep breaths, knowing he was right.

"I…I just can't stand it, I can't stand the thought of lowering her body into the earth, I can't," She said, burrowing into his arms. He hugged her tightly, wishing he could take her pain away, but he was feeling the exact same pain.

Eventually they made their way back to the apartment building and saw Hotch and Emily sitting on the steps, and Rossi was headed towards them from the opposite direction. "Morgan still on the roof?" He questioned, and Morgan's voice came from the door of the building.

"No,"

They stood in a group for a long moment and then Hotch said, "We should probably attempt to get some sleep. We'll have to go in tomorrow and make our statements,"

There was a general consensus, and so the BAU trooped back up to Garcia's apartment and eventually they all fell asleep, still dreaming of Penelope Garcia.

In the morning, Morgan awoke to the smell of breakfast cooking. He walked into the kitchen area and saw Rossi at the stove, flipping pancakes, cooking bacon, frying eggs and toasting bread. "You know they're gonna make all of us talk to the shrinks," Morgan said, leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, I thought of that. I thought we might be able to get out of it if Aaron and I talk to Strauss, but then I realized even she wouldn't allow it."

"We watched her die. They want to take that apart and interject a whole load of bull into it. She's dead and we're hurting, what more is there to say?" Morgan said bitterly, and Rossi shrugged.

"It's standard procedure, and it's just one session. Who knows, maybe it'll help,"

"Yeah right," Morgan snorted, and then grabbed some plates for Rossi to put the food on. Hotch walked into the kitchen area yawning.

"Strauss just called me. They want us in at noon to give our statements. She also informed me that we are all allowed a week of bereavement, and she's all but forcing us to take it."

"Are you gonna take it?" Morgan asked his boss, and Hotch thought about it for a long moment before nodding.

"Yeah I am. The funeral is going to be tomorrow, and then I think I'll take Jack somewhere," All the color drained out of his face and he put his hand to his head.

"What's wrong?" Rossi asked in concern, and Hotch said,

"I haven't told Jack yet. I called Jessica and told her I wouldn't be home last night, but I didn't tell her why."

"I haven't told Henry yet either," JJ said as she and Emily walked into the kitchen area. "My neighbor is watching him right now, but I'll have to go get him before we go in for our statements,"

"You can just take him with you, we'll watch him while you're giving your statement," Emily said, and JJ nodded as she rested her head on Emily's shoulder.

"Breakfast is served! Someone go wake up the kid," Rossi said as he set the last plate of food on the counter. "Bon appetite,"

"I'm up," Reid said as he walked towards the group, running his hand through his hair and stretching. They all grabbed plates and started eating.

Eventually all of them finished and started to leave, going back to their respective homes to change and take a shower before going into the BAU. They all agreed to meet in the BAU before going to Strauss to give their statements.

Hotch stepped into his apartment and saw Jessica cleaning Jack's morning cereal up. "What happened, Aaron?" Jessica asked quietly, seeing the grief written all over his face.

"Penelope Garcia, do you remember her?" He asked, and she nodded as she handed him a cup of coffee. "She was killed yesterday. We were all taken hostage and the unsub was going to make us watch her die. We almost saved her, we got so close, but he shot her and she died, in front of us all," He closed his eyes for a long moment and Jessica put her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Aaron," She said gently.

"Yeah, me too. We all stayed at Garcia's apartment last night, made funeral plans, but I'm taking Jack with me when I go in today, we've gotta give our statements,"

"All right. He's brushing his teeth right now," Jessica said, and Hotch stepped towards the bathroom.

"Daddy!" Jack hollered, spitting his toothpaste out and running towards his father. Hotch grabbed him and lifted him into his arms, holding him tightly. "I missed you Daddy," Jack said, burying his face in his father's shoulder.

"Missed you too, buddy," He held onto his son for a few more moments and then knelt down, setting Jack on the ground. "I've got something I need to tell you, Jack," Hotch said, and Jack nodded, saying,

"I'm listening, Daddy,"

"Good. Something happened to Aunt Penelope,"

"Oh no! Did a bad man hurt her?" Jack asked in concern, and Hotch nodded.

"She fought so hard, son, but he hurt her really badly," His voice broke, and Jack threw himself into his father's arms, tears slipping down his face.

"She's not coming back is she?" He asked, and Hotch shook his head, holding Jack tightly.

"I'm sorry, Jack, she's not. She's gone."

"Has…has she gone to be with Mommy?"

"Yeah, buddy, she's gone to heaven," Hotch said, rubbing Jack's back.

"But I don't want her to!" Jack wailed, and Hotch nodded.

"I don't either, Jack, I'm sorry,"

While Hotch was comforting Jack, JJ stepped into her apartment and immediately Henry came running and leapt into her arms. "Thanks, Jill," JJ said gratefully to her neighbor, an elderly woman.

"Anytime, sweetie," Jill said with a smile, stepping out the door and back to her own apartment.

"Where'd you go Mommy?" Henry asked, and JJ walked over to the couch, sitting down.

"I…I need to tell you something, baby,"

"Okay, what?" He asked eagerly, and she gently pushed the hair out of his face. His long hair was a hairstyle Garcia had insisted they try, and it was cute on him.

"Something happened to Penelope…something bad…" JJ started to say, and broke off.

"Penny? Is she coming?" Henry asked excitedly, looking around the apartment.

"No, Henry, she's not coming. She's never coming back," JJ said, and Henry looked at her in confusion.

"Did she leave with Daddy?"

"No, no, Daddy lives far away now. Penny…she's gone, sweetheart, she passed away,"

"She's…she's dead?" Henry whispered, and JJ hugged him tightly as he began to cry. "I want her back! I want Penny back!" He wailed, and she rocked her son gently.

"I do too, baby,"

**Poor Jack and Henry, they're heartbroken. The next chapter will have the team going into the BAU to give their statements to Strauss, and she asks each of them an impossible question. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this story so far!**


	11. Love Won't Come Undone

**And now it's time for chapter 11. It's mainly the team giving their statements to Strauss about what happened, but first a little bit of Aaron/Emily and at the end, the team goes into Garcia's computer room together.**

**Enjoy!**

It was about 11:30am when Hotch walked into the BAU with Jack in his arms. Jack hadn't said much of anything since Hotch told him that Penelope was gone. He saw Morgan sitting in his chair, holding a frame in his hands and staring at in.

Hotch stepped up behind him and saw a picture of Garcia and Morgan together in the frame. "Hey Morgan," Jack said, walking up to him.

"Hey there little man," Morgan said, lifting Jack into his lap. He glanced back and saw Hotch standing there.

"Emily's here, she's in the bathroom," He told his boss, and Hotch nodded. Reid and JJ walked into the BAU just then, with JJ holding Henry and Reid had his hand on the small of JJ's back. Hotch nodded to them as he walked out, headed to the bathrooms.

Just as he got there, Emily stepped out of the girl's bathroom and was wiping her eyes. She glanced up and saw Hotch standing there, and he held his arms out. Emily gratefully fell into them, wrapping her arms around his waist. He gently stroked her back until she took a deep breath and pulled her emotions in check.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, leaning back and framing her face with his hands.

"Not really, but no one is," She admitted, and he wiped her tears away before gently kissing her forehead.

Rossi walked into the BAU just as Hotch and Emily were coming back in, and then Strauss came down the stairs.

"I'm sorry for your loss, truly I am," She said quietly, glancing around at the grief-stricken team. They all nodded and she sighed. "Who's going first?"

"I'll go," Rossi said, getting to his feet. He followed Strauss into her office and shook his head when she offered him something to drink.

"All right, Dave, tell me what happened."

"I woke up with the others, and we were all chained to the wall. As we were trying to figure out how to get out of the chains, a voice started talking to us, telling us that we wouldn't be getting free anytime soon. Then the TV across from us came on, and Garcia was chained to a chair in a different room. When she came to he started telling us how we failed him, we were chasing an unsub that killed parents, and we couldn't save his parents, though the next kid got to keep his parents."

"Martin Grayze is his name," Strauss said quietly, and Rossi nodded.

"Yes. Well, he left the room and Garcia…said goodbye to all of us. And then Grayze came back in and Garcia requested the screen to be turned off, because of Emily. She had a bobby pin on her belt that she used to unlock her chains, and then she gave JJ another bobby pin and they unlocked all of us. We looked as quickly as possible for the right room, and finally we found it. He shot Garcia before we could get to him, and Emily and JJ tried to help her as Hotch and Morgan jumped on Grayze. He shot himself before Hotch could take his gun from him. Hotch called 911 and…" He broke off, closed his eyes and rubbed his eyes.

"And?" Strauss prodded. He glared at her and said,

"And she died in front of all of us. Anything else you need to know?"

"No, that's all. I'm sorry, Dave, but I need to ask you one more question. Do you feel you did everything in your power to save Penelope's life?"

"Under those circumstances, yes. Do I wish I could go back and change everything? Of course I do, who doesn't?"

"All right. Again, I'm sorry, Dave,"

"So am I," He said bitterly, getting to his feet and striding out of the office.

Hotch was the next one to go, and after he'd basically told the same story as Rossi, Strauss asked, "Do you feel you did everything in your power to save Garcia's life?"

Hotch's eyes flashed but he said shortly, "No. She'd be alive if I had." Strauss sighed.

"I'm sorry, Aaron, I have to ask everyone."

"Yes, I know. It's for the shrinks to know whether we blame ourselves or not," Hotch said coldly, and Strauss turned the record off.

"Off the record, Aaron, keep it out of the office."

"I'm sorry?"

"You and Prentiss. Keep it out of the office and I don't know anything," She said, writing on her report and not looking up at him.

"Yes ma'am," He said, heading to the door and opening it. "Thank you," Hotch said before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

JJ went next, and she settled herself in the chair across from Strauss. "How did you manage to unlock the chains when Prentiss gave you a bobby pin?" Strauss asked, and JJ said,

"Haven't you ever picked a lock with a bobby pin?" When Strauss just looked at her, JJ sighed, saying, "It's hard to explain, you just have to wiggle it around until you find the right spot where you can trip the tumblers and unlock the lock,"

"All right. I'm sorry, JJ, but I have to ask this: do you feel you did everything in your power to save Penelope Garcia's life?"

"What kind of question is that?" JJ demanded, and Strauss sighed.

"I know, but I have to ask everyone. Neither Aaron nor Dave enjoyed the question, believe me,"

"I've gone back hundreds of times, trying to find something I did wrong, something I could've done differently, and the truth is yes, there probably was something I could've done better, but with the way things turned out? No, I don't think we could've done anything more. Martin Grayze wanted her dead, and he would've found a way to kill her no matter what." JJ stated, and Strauss nodded as she turned the record off.

"Thank you, JJ,"

"Yes ma'am," JJ said stiffly and walked out. Reid went next, squeezing JJ's hand as she passed him. He sat on the edge of the chair across from Strauss and basically told the same story as everyone else.

"And Dr. Reid, do you feel you did everything in your power to save Garcia's life?"

"Of course not. How could anyone feel they'd done everything to save her life when she died?" Reid said flatly and rose to his feet. "Are we done?"

"Yes, we're done." Strauss said, turning the record off. "Take care of JJ, but keep it out of the office, all right?"

Reid glanced back at Strauss for a long moment and then nodded before striding out of the room and down towards JJ and Henry. Emily climbed the stairs next and sat carefully on the chair across from Strauss.

When she finished her story, Strauss nodded. "The bobby pin, that was very ingenious,"

"Thank you," Emily said quietly, and Strauss surveyed her report.

"All right. One more question, Agent Prentiss…do you feel you did everything in your power to save Penelope's life?"

Emily opened her mouth and then closed it a few times, and then she glared at Strauss with wet eyes. "She didn't deserve to die. And none of what happened to her is fair. So no, ma'am, I don't believe everything was done that could've been done. If it had, she would still be alive." Emily got to her feet and strode out without waiting for Strauss to tell her she could go. Strauss just let her leave and finished writing her assessment, waiting for the last member of the BAU team to come in.

"Emily!" Hotch called, jogging towards her as she all but ran towards the elevator. He managed to slip inside the elevator as she hit the door close button. "Hey," Hotch said, putting his hands gently on her shoulders.

"How dare she? How dare she ask us that? She knows damn well that if something had been done differently, Garcia would still be alive!" Emily said angrily, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"The shrinks want to know if we blame ourselves, that's all," Hotch said soothingly, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

"Of course we blame ourselves! How could we not?" Emily exclaimed, and Hotch pulled her into his arms. As Hotch was comforting Emily, Morgan was striding into Strauss's office. He flatly told her what happened, and then before she could ask him the same question she'd asked everyone else, Morgan held his hands up.

"Before you can ask the shrink's question, I'll save you the trouble. No, I don't feel I did everything in my power to save Penelope's life. If I had, she'd be sitting in her computer room right now, giving me that sassy banter of hers. Is that good enough?" Morgan spat, and Strauss nodded, making a few notes on her paper.

"Thank you, Morgan. And I am sorry for your loss. I know you loved her,"

"Still do, ma'am," Morgan muttered and strode out of the office. No one tried to stop him as he disappeared down the hallway that led to Garcia's computer room.

When everyone was finished, Strauss came out of her office. "I see no reason to investigate this matter further. You're all free to go, but you have to come back in two days to do your mandatory psych evaluation. I don't want to see you back here for those two days, understood?"

"Understood," All of them muttered, and then JJ asked,

"Emily and I were planning to pack Penelope's computer room up, if that's all right with you,"

"Go ahead," Strauss said with a nod, and the two women got to their feet and headed down to Garcia's office/computer room. They stepped through the doorway and for a moment, almost believed that they were seeing Garcia spinning around in her chair.

Instead, Morgan was sitting there with silent tears running down his cheeks. He hastily wiped them away and cleared his throat. "I…we'll need boxes,"

"We brought some," Reid said from behind JJ and Emily, and pretty soon everyone from the BAU was helping to carefully box Garcia's stuff up.

It took a few hours, but eventually they had all of Garcia's personal effects boxed up. There had been numerous tears shed when different pictures and objects brought back memories.

"Momma, I don't wanna say goodbye to Penny," Henry said sadly as he played on the floor with Jack.

"It's too hard to say goodbye," Jack pouted, and all the adults exchanged glances.

"We know, baby," JJ said, sitting by both boys and ruffling their hair.

**Those two boys are so heartbreaking, and they'll be even more so when it's time for the team to stand up at Garcia's funeral and talk about her. The next chapter will be the shrink talking to the members of the BAU. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you like the story so far!**


	12. You Would Never Let Me Fall

**Chapter 12 has been posted, and it will have the shrink coming into the picture, and as you can imagine, the BAU is not too happy about that. No one wants to talk to the shrink, but they all have to, it's protocol. **

**PS: I'm so sorry it took so long to update this, but I was gone for a while at band camp (where no computers, no phones and no internet is allowed) and I literally just got home and hurried up and posted this. **

**Enjoy!**

Emily Reid Hotch Morgan.

JJ Rossi.

A few days later was when the BAU had to return to Quantico for their psych evaluation. They were each given a two hour block with the shrink for the evaluation, and the others were told to stay at home until a few minutes before their block was to begin.

Emily was to go in first, then Reid was second, followed by Rossi, and then JJ, and then Hotch, and Morgan was last.

When Emily pulled up to Quantico, having left Hotch and Jack at Hotch's apartment where she spent the night again, she was directed up to the closed conference room and was greeted by an older woman. "Hello, I'm Special Agent Emily Prentiss," Emily introduced herself, shaking the woman's hand.

"I'm Dr. Laura Evans, but please call me Laura,"

"All right," Emily said as she stepped in the room and sat in one of the chairs there as Dr. Evans sat in the other one.

"To start off I'd like to convey my sympathy for your loss, Emily," Dr. Evans said gently, and Emily nodded, saying,

"Thank you, I appreciate that,"

"Since we only have two hours, we might as well jump right in. Why are you still feeling guilty, Agent Prentiss?"

Emily opened her mouth, prepared to give some textbook answer, but then she closed it again. This was Penelope Garcia they were talking about; she deserved better than some textbook answer. "I still feel guilty because that bobby pin was on my belt the whole time. I could've unlocked myself so much sooner and we all could've gotten to her in time. She'd still be alive today if I'd just been quicker," Emily whispered, dropping her head into her hands.

"So why didn't you use the bobby pin earlier?"

"Because I was too busy being wrapped in my emotions and the drug was still messing with me, but that's not an excuse! I'm an FBI agent; I've been trained for situations like that!"

"Not for situations where the life of your best friend is dangling in front of you and you're powerless to stop it," Dr. Evans said gently, and Emily shook her head.

"That doesn't matter, the facts are that Garcia is dead because I wasn't quick enough,"

"You're leaving out a few facts. You're leaving out the fact that you did your best, the fact that Garcia is dead because someone else shot her, and the fact that she died surrounded by the people she loved and loved her in return," Dr. Evans said quietly, and in the following hour she kept going back to that fact until Emily was forced to face the reality.

"Her death wasn't my fault," Emily whispered to herself, and Dr. Evans sat back, making a few final notes on her notepad. Assuming she was dismissed, Emily got up and walked out, still reeling a little from her revelation. She could almost see Garcia shaking her for taking so long to lift the blame from her shoulders, and she smiled before heading back to Hotch's apartment.

Reid walked in a little while later, having left JJ and Henry at the apartment, and after shaking hands with Dr. Evans and exchanging pleasantries they both sat down.

"You're blaming yourself for Garcia's death, Dr. Reid. You must know there was no way for her to survive that gunshot, so I must ask why. Why do you blame yourself?" Dr. Evans questioned, and Reid sat forward.

"Because she died. I'm considered a genius, so I've gone over every detail of that night in my mind every night since, and there were so many things I overlooked or could've done differently and who knows what would've happened if I'd done those things?"

"You're right, who knows? Garcia might still have ended up dead, or more than one of you would've ended up dead. Maybe even all of you would've been killed."

"But she might have lived," Reid stressed, and Dr. Evans shook her head.

"There is such a small percentage of that, Dr. Reid, your mind should recognize that as impossible,"

"Nothing's impossible, I learned that from Garcia," Reid said quietly, and Dr. Evans nodded.

"You also learned from her that everything happens for a reason. Maybe it's time you let go of the logic that rules your brain and start accepting things for what they are."

They circled around that same subject for the following hour, and then Dr. Evans let him go. She knew he still blamed himself, but he would get to the place where he didn't blame himself eventually. It would just take time.

Rossi walked in next and shook Dr. Evans' hand before sitting down in one of the chairs. "Well, Agent Rossi, you are one of the few members of your team that doesn't blame themselves. Mind if I ask why that is?" Dr. Evans questioned, looking at him.

"I've seen a lot of evil in my years, and I've experienced pain many times too. Watching Garcia die was no different, and I've learned along the way that you have to grieve and deal with the pain and loss. And then you have to let go of the blame that comes with losing someone. If you don't, you just go insane with the 'what if' questions."

"So you did blame yourself,"

"Of course I did, everyone did. You can't tell me that if you were standing there while one of your very good friends died you wouldn't blame yourself," Rossi demanded, and Dr. Evans inclined her head, saying,

"Point taken. But if you could go back and change someone, would you? Would you go back and do something differently?"

Rossi thought about her question for a long moment and then sighed, saying, "If I could be guaranteed that Garcia would be alive and the rest of us would be too, then maybe. Messing with the past is dangerous, especially considering that you can't change the past. It's almost like asking if I had known that I'd experience this pain from losing Garcia, would I rather have not known her at all?"

"Would you rather have not known her at all if you know how it would end?"

"Absolutely not. It's like the song goes, I could've missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance. I wouldn't have missed knowing and loving Garcia for the world. She was a big part of my family," Rossi said finally, and they talked for a while longer and then Rossi left.

JJ was the next BAU agent to walk in, having left Henry back at the apartment with Reid. She shook hands with Dr. Evans and sat down in one of the chairs, prepared to answer the shrink's questions.

"It seems you are one of the only agents in the BAU that don't blame themselves for Garcia's death, Agent Jareau. Why is that?"

JJ heaved a sigh and ran her hand through her hair. "Because I know she'd kill me. She'd literally smack me and shake me and tell me I'm being stupid. She was my best friend, Dr. Evans, and we knew each other like the back of our hands."

"I can tell. You must've felt guilty at first, though,"

"Of course I did, I'm pretty sure we all did. Guilt comes naturally with losing a family member or friend so horribly like that, I know that mainly from my past experiences. But I also know that letting go of the guilt is not a bad thing, as long as you hold onto the memories of the person you lost. Garcia will forever be in my thoughts and in my heart; she'll live on forever there,"

"I'm sure she will," Dr. Evans said quietly, making a few notes on her notepad. "Would you change anything, if you could go back?"

"Anything of the night she died or before that?"

"Anything," Dr. Evans said simply, and JJ thought about it hard.

"No. She changed my life for good, and I wouldn't want to miss that for the world."

After some more conversation, Dr. Evans dismissed JJ and let her go home to Henry and Reid. After JJ walked out, moments later Hotch walked in, having left Jack with Emily at the apartment. They exchanged handshakes and introductions, and then Hotch sat down across from her.

"You're the team leader, Agent Hotchner, so I understand your instinct to blame yourself for a lot of things. But why blame yourself for Penelope Garcia's death?"

Hotch sighed, knowing that this was coming ever since the answer he'd given to Strauss about whether or not he felt like he'd done enough to save Garcia's life. "Because if I had done everything in my power to save her life, she'd still be here," Hotch said stiffly.

"But you did do everything, no one could've survived that gunshot wound," Dr. Evans said quietly, and Hotch stood up and began pacing.

"No I didn't! I failed her, and the worst part about it is that if she were standing here, she'd probably reprimand me for talking like this,"

"Then why are you talking like this?"

"Because I deserve it! I don't deserve all this sympathy and understanding!" Hotch insisted, and Dr. Evans just looked him in the eyes.

"Did you drug yourself, the team and Garcia? Did you lock them all up? Did you tell Garcia to say her final goodbyes to the team? Did you pull that gun on Garcia? Did you pull the trigger? Did you end her life?"

"No, but," Hotch tried to argue, but Dr. Evans shook her head, holding her hand up.

"No buts. Who did all those things, Agent Hotchner? Who actually ended Penelope Garcia's life?"

"Martin Grayze," Hotch mumbled, and Dr. Evans nodded.

"Sit down, Agent Hotchner, and start to forgive yourself. This blame lies on Mr. Grayze's shoulders, and his alone, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can move on," Dr. Evans said soothingly, and they talked for a while longer before Hotch's block was up. He left the room feeling like he'd be able to begin to forgive himself.

Lastly, Morgan walked in and shook Dr. Evans' hand before settling himself in one of the chairs. Before Dr. Evans could even speak, Morgan said quietly, "I'll just bet you wanna know why I blame myself for Penelope's death."

"That was going to be my starter question, yes," Dr. Evans replied evenly, and Morgan looked at her for a long moment and then dropped his head into his hands.

"I suppose this would just go easier for me if I just told the truth, right?"

"Most definitely," Dr. Evans agreed, and Morgan sighed.

"Fine. You want the truth? The truth is that I can't sleep without her, I can barely eat, I can't even function without my baby girl. It's like I can't breathe without her," Morgan admitted, and Dr. Evans nodded slowly.

"You loved her. You thought the two of you would grow old together, spend the rest of your lives together. When something like that gets cut short, there will be pain and agony, that's normal,"

"No, you don't understand, I still love her. I don't care if she's not here anymore, I still love her and I will love her until the second I die, and probably beyond that too," Morgan corrected her, getting up and angrily pacing.

"I understand those feelings, but what I don't understand is why are you blaming yourself still?"

"Why am I blaming myself? Because I swore to her that I'd protect her! She always knew that I'd be there for her, no matter what, that I was gonna protect her for every day of my life whether she liked it or not!"

"But it wasn't your fault, Agent Morgan,"

"It's my fault that I couldn't protect her! Maybe I didn't pull the trigger, maybe there was nothing I could've done to keep us out of that hellhole, but I failed her. I went back on my promise. That's where this blame's coming from," Morgan spat, angrily wiping his tears away.

"You didn't fail her, Agent Morgan, you loved her and she loved you in return. She died in your arms, can't we agree that if she had to die, that was the best place for her? Knowing you loved her, knowing she loved you,"

"I should've protected her," Morgan whispered, and Dr. Evans reached over and squeezed his hand.

"This isn't blame, Agent Morgan, I can see that now. This is grief, pure grief, and it's something that will never go away. But it's something that gets easier with time. You have to deal with your grief,"

"What, by seeing a shrink?"

"If you think you need it. But I'd wager a guess as to the fact that you can deal with this on your own, on your own terms, but it'll take time."

"Thanks Doc. Can I go now?" Morgan muttered, and Dr. Evans released his hand, nodding.

"Yes. Thank you, Agent Morgan,"

"No, Doc, thank you," Morgan said quietly, shaking her hand and then walking out, wiping his eyes as he left.

**Wow that was a freaking long chapter! I tried to do good on each person's visit with the shrink, but in the smallest amount of words as possible since I didn't want to split it up into two chapters. Only 3 more chapters to go now! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you like the story so far!**


	13. I'll Have To Walk Alone

**Chapter 14 is up, and this is the second-to-last chapter. Morgan will give Garcia's eulogy, and then Hotch and the rest of the team get up to say some words about the late Penelope Garcia. Oh and I lied, you won't see those familiar people until the next chapter, which will also be the last chapter.**

**Enjoy!**

After the priest said a few prayers, Morgan got to his feet, prepared to deliver the eulogy. He glanced at the casket for a long moment and then cleared his throat.

"The first time I met Garcia was when Reid told me her name was Gomez, and I tried to get her attention. When that didn't work, I called her baby girl. She wasn't offended, she actually seemed to like it, and from then on we had probably the most inappropriate working relationship in the FBI. She was my baby girl and I was her sugar, amongst many other nicknames. Some may call it odd, but it worked for us. Until we both fell in love. With each other. I thought that would destroy our friendship, but it made it better. And if her life hadn't been ended far too soon, she would've been my wife. If I hadn't dragged my feet in proposing to her…" He closed his eyes and bowed his head for a minute, and then went on.

"Penelope Garcia was one of the best people in the world. She saw unmentionable horrors on her screen every day, and yet she was the most bubbly, giggly, happiest person. And she projected that happiness and bubbliness onto everyone around her. Penelope touched so many lives, and I know I won't be the only person who will miss her," Morgan turned to the casket and rested his hand on the sculpted wood. "On the way here, I was listening to a CD she left in my car, and there was a few lyrics I heard," He closed his eyes and said, "And if you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time, a song for a heart so big, God couldn't let it live. May angels lead you in, baby girl. I love you, I love you so much," He went back to his seat and dropped his head in his hands as JJ rubbed his back.

Hotch was the next one to get up. He took a deep breath before saying, "The first time I ever saw Garcia was the first hostage situation in the BAU. Literally in the middle of the bullpen. I was talking with some of the other agents when some guy stormed in with a gun and had a very colorful, very scared woman by her neck. I didn't recognize her, no one did at the time. He demanded that we all kick our guns across the floor to him, and we complied. I remember wishing she was an agent, so I could try to signal her something, anything that would help keep her alive."

His voice broke as he shook his head, a half-smile on his face. "Instead of trying to kick her abductor's knee or something, she started to babble. She just kept on talking for what seemed like hours while the abductor tried to get her to shut up. The next thing we all knew, she grabbed the gun and had him on the ground. We rushed up and she was sitting on his back. I helped her to her feet and she all but shoved the gun at me.

'I hate guns' She told me, and then shook my hand. 'Hi, I'm Penelope Garcia' she told me 'I'm your new technical analyst'

"That was Garcia. She was probably the most talkative person I had ever met, and sometimes her babbling had pulled every member of our team back from the brink more than once. She had a heart of gold, and the purest soul of anyone I've ever met, and considering the horrors she had seen, that was definitely saying something. When she died, the world lost a beautiful soul, and I lost a friend, a very good friend."

He sat down and pulled Jack into his lap, holding his son tightly. Emily and JJ went up together, holding each other hands as Emily nodded to let JJ go first. "Garcia and I were the only two women in the BAU, and we stuck together. Elle Greenaway joined the BAU and was our friend, but when she left it was still the two of us. And then Emily joined the team, and we were the unholy trinity, that was our secret nickname. Garcia, you'll probably haunt me now for telling everyone that," JJ made a noise that was halfway between a sob and a laugh.

"I remember the first time I really got to know PG was after my first hard case with the BAU. When we got back, she all but kidnapped me and JJ and took us down to her favorite bar. She proceeded to get us rip-roaring drunk and then we did a karaoke number for everyone in the bar. We spent the night at her place and when we woke, she gave us her special hangover remedy. After we felt a little better, she showed us the video of our karaoke performance and I don't think we ever stopped laughing. She always knew how to make all of us feel better, no matter what was going on in her own life. She was the best kind of person, and I'll miss her more than words could ever say," Emily bowed her head and JJ gripped her hand tightly.

"Penelope was my best friend, and a day won't go by that I won't miss her. My only consolation is that she died knowing how much we loved her, and with us knowing how much she loved us." With that she and Emily sat back down and Henry clambered into his mom's lap as Reid got up and headed to the podium.

"It's never been easy for me to express my feelings, or accept feelings from other people. I usually deflect them with statistics or some other kind of genius babble, as Garcia would call it. But I couldn't hide from Garcia's affections. She forced them on me, and I'm glad. She's the reason I was able to express my feelings to other people as well," His eyes found JJ's and she smiled at him.

"If you were shy, Garcia broke your walls down until you were just as outspoken as she was. If you were arrogant, she took you down a few pegs with a few sharp words and you were grateful for it afterwards. She always seemed to know when you needed her overbearing love, and when you just needed a friend. It was from Garcia that I learned about friendship and everything else, because she was the definition of a friend," He set his jaw and allowed a single tear to slide down his cheeks. "You were just as smart as me, Garcia, maybe even smarter."

He quickly sat down and JJ wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Rossi took a deep breath and climbed to his feet, stepping up to the podium. "Penelope Garcia was the glue that held our team together. No matter what happened to us, we always knew she was there for us. She gave so much to this team, and didn't ask for anything in return, except to be loved. I'll admit I was a little hesitant and wary about her in the beginning, but it didn't take long for her to break me in just like she did everyone else. She could hold her wine with the best of them, even if in the morning it wasn't the best thing for her head." Rossi shook his head with a half-smile on his face, and then continued,

"Without that glue, we started to fall apart. We still are, but somehow we're hanging in there and we'll find a way to go on, knowing that Garcia would kill us if we didn't. She was the light of our lives, and now that light has been extinguished, but it still lives on in all of us. _Addio,_ Penelope, _addio_."

Rossi sat down, unashamedly wiping his tears away. The priest got to his feet and continued the service, and then towards the end he glanced at the two young boys sitting in the front row. "And now, the godson and unofficial nephew of Penelope would like to say a few words,"

Jack and Henry climbed up on the chair that the priest brought up to the podium. Jack bent the microphone down and spoke, "Auntie Penelope was the best! She always snuck me candy and stuff I'm not supposed to have when I came to visit Daddy at the BAU. Whenever she came over to babysit, she would play anything with me, like Cops and Robbers, or we'd build a fort, and sometimes we made a huge mess in the kitchen trying to bake something. Daddy never knew, though, 'cause we always cleaned everything up. She always told me she loved me, and I always told her I loved her, 'specially since she always said life is too short. I guess I know what she meant now, 'cause she's gone, way too soon. I'll miss her forever and ever," Jack said sadly, and then pushed the microphone over to Henry.

"Penny was my godmomma, and Mommy always said she and Spence would take care of me if something happened to her and Daddy. But now she's gone, and it's not fair. She shoulda got to live 'til she was a hundred years old! Then I coulda taken care of her instead. But Mommy said a bad man took her away, and even though I wanna hate him for that, I know I can't. 'Cause Penny always told me not to hate anyone 'cause it's not nice, and I don't want to be not nice. I want to be like Penny, and she never hated nobody. Miss you Penny!" He blew the casket a kiss, and Jack turned to the casket and saluted it like he had seen on TV before.

The two boys walked back to their parents and Hotch lifted Jack in his arms, holding him tightly and squeezing his eye shut as he fought back tears. JJ didn't bother to fight back the tears that streamed down her face as she hugged Henry and rocked him back and forth.

"That was beautiful, baby," JJ whispered, and Hotch stroked Jack's hair.

"Did I do good Daddy?" Jack asked quietly, and Hotch nodded, his throat constricted.

"Yes, buddy, I'm so proud of you,"

The priest closed the service, and announced that there would be a smaller service at the gravesite. With that, the members of the BAU got up and mingled amongst the people that had come for a while until it was time to head to the cemetery.

**I seriously cried when I was writing what Jack and Henry said about Garcia, that was so sweet and sad at the same time. The next chapter will be the last one, and it will have those familiar people and the burying of Garcia. Thank you so much for reading this story and I hope you like these last few chapters. **


	14. I'll Never Let You Go

**This is the 15****th**** and final chapter to this story. Now it's time to meet some old friends, and after that it's time to head to the cemetery. Yes, it's time to bury Penelope Garcia. Make sure to have some tissues in hand.**

**Enjoy!**

JJ was heading towards the bathroom with Henry in tow when a voice came from behind her. "Hey, JJ," She turned around to see a brunette she never thought she'd ever see again.

"Elle!" She exclaimed, and hugged her for a long moment. "It's good to see you again," JJ said sincerely, and Elle pulled back.

"You too, but I wish it was under different circumstances," Elle said sadly, and JJ nodded.

"This is my son, Henry. Henry, this is my friend, Elle,"

"Hi Henry," Elle said, crouching to Henry's height.

"Hi," He said shyly, and Elle smiled at him before straightening.

"Elle Greenaway, as I live and breathe," Morgan's voice said, and Elle spun around to find herself in a hug. She hugged him back and smiled at him.

"How are you holding up?" She asked, gently touching his face.

"Not good," He admitted, but added, "I'll be okay, though, eventually,"

"Time heals all wounds," Elle murmured, and then Reid spotted the large group and headed over. "Reid!" She called, and he hurried over to give her a hug.

"Elle," He let go of her and they started to talk about what Elle had been doing since she left the BAU. Meanwhile, Hotch was taking Jack out of the church when a voice from behind him said,

"Aaron Hotchner,"

He smiled, recognizing the voice. "Jason Gideon,"

He turned around and saw his old friend walking towards him. Gideon held his hand out and Hotch took it, shaking it before pulling him into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Aaron," Gideon murmured, and Hotch nodded as they released each other.

"Me too," Hotch said quietly, and then half-smiled, adding, "I didn't know if you'd be able to make it,"

"I made sure I could make it. I still can't believe it…" Gideon broke off, shaking his head.

"I know. No one can. I'm pretty sure most of us are still in shock," Hotch said, and Jack piped up,

"Hi Mr. Gideon!"

"Hey there, Jack," Gideon said, kneeling down and shaking the young man's hand.

"Did you come to say goodbye to Auntie Penelope?"

"Yes I did," Gideon said quietly, and Jack nodded as Emily walked up to the three of them. "Emily," Gideon said, hugging his former team member.

"I'm so glad you could make it," She said, closing her eyes for a moment and then letting him go.

"So am I," Gideon murmured, and then spotted Reid, Morgan and JJ standing with Elle. "I'm gonna go say hi," He said, and headed towards them. Emily linked her hand with Hotch and they followed with Jack bringing up the rear.

Gideon was hugging Elle and everyone else when Hotch and Emily joined the group. They chatted for a while longer, and then it was announced that the hearse would be leaving for the cemetery.

And then Morgan saw someone he never expected to be at the funeral: Kevin Lynch.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Morgan hissed, striding over to Garcia's ex-boyfriend.

"Paying my respects, Agent Morgan," Kevin said stonily, "You may have been her boyfriend when she died, but I know she loved me, and I loved her,"

"That's a load of crap and you know it. You can't love someone and beat on them at the same time," Morgan growled, his hands balling into fists.

"Don't go all high and mighty on me, acting like you know what Penelope and I had," Kevin said dismissively, turning away. Morgan yanked on his arm, saying harshly,

"I know what you didn't have, Lynch, and it's what Penelope and I had together. She didn't love you," Kevin whipped around and aimed a punch at Morgan's jaw. That was the last thing Morgan expected, and he felt the sharp pain of Kevin's fist hitting him in the jaw. "You really shouldn't have done that," Morgan muttered before striking out and punching Kevin in the stomach and then kneeing him in the face.

Suddenly, Kevin was yanked away and Morgan felt someone holding him back. "He's not worth it, Derek, let it go," Hotch muttered, and Morgan fought against him, seeing Rossi yanking Kevin out the door. "Stop it!" Hotch said sharply, and Morgan stopped fighting him. "I don't care what he said, today is about Penelope, nothing more," He added, and then stepped away, leaving Morgan to stand there for a long moment, controlling his anger.

Then they all trooped outside to get back in their cars. Morgan and Rossi was the first car behind the hearse, then Hotch, Jack and Emily, and then Reid, JJ and Henry. There were a few other people following them, including Gideon and Elle. It was a relatively short drive to the cemetery, and once there they all walked to the gravesite. Morgan didn't ask Rossi what he'd done with Kevin, because he knew that Rossi was just as pissed at Kevin as he was.

Morgan left the group and walked to the next plot over, kneeling down and bowing his head for a moment. Garcia had once told him that she wanted to be buried next to her parents, and he'd made sure that wish had been honored. He murmured, "Take care of her up there," Morgan had come to visit their graves a few times with Garcia, and he felt like he almost knew her parents, the way she always talked about them with her.

And now tears filled his eyes as the thought struck him that he was bringing her here to rest…forever. Morgan quickly stood up and turned back to where they had Garcia's casket set up to be lowered into the already dug grave.

The priest began to say the final prayers and goodbyes, and then stepped back. Hotch, Emily, JJ, Reid, Morgan, Rossi, Jack and Henry were all holding pink roses, and they stepped up to the casket, waiting. The cemetery workers lowered the casket into the ground, and when the casket hit the ground, JJ and Emily fell to their knees, tears streaming down their faces.

Hotch knelt and wrapped his arms around Emily's shoulders, and Reid crouched and hugged JJ as well. Morgan closed his eyes when the casket hit the bottom of the grave and felt what was left of his heart shatter.

Jack and Henry stepped up to the grave first and tossed their roses on top of Garcia's casket and blew her a kiss. Rossi tossed his in next, looking sadly at the casket and then stepped back, putting his hand on Morgan's shoulder.

Hotch and Reid stepped up next and tossed their roses in together and then JJ and Emily were holding each other's hands as they stood on the edge of the grave and gently threw their roses down. Hotch and Reid joined them, and so did Rossi and Reid. They all stood around Garcia's casket and said their final goodbyes.

As the cemetery workers moved in and started shoveling the dirt on top of Garcia's casket, Morgan had the sudden urge to just throw himself down there and beg his baby girl to come back to him. He knew that was crazy, and he turned away, almost hating himself for turning his back on his girl.

And then he realized that she wasn't really gone, she would always be in his heart and in his memories. And for now, that was enough.

He stood there for what seemed like forever, and he eventually noticed that everyone else had backed off and left Morgan to say his own private goodbye. The workers eventually walked off, taking their machines back to the shed of the cemetery, and Morgan knelt down, tracing the letters of Garcia's headstone.

Penelope Garcia

July 7, 1974 – September 21st 2012

Always Saw The Good In People

Forever Missed

"Baby girl," Morgan said, and then he bowed his head as tears slipped down his cheeks. He could barely get a word out from the emotions that were blocking his throat. "I'm sorry, Penelope. I'm sorry for your pain, and I'm sorry for your tears. For all the little things I didn't know, I'm sorry for all the words I didn't say. I'm sorry for the lies, and I'm sorry for the fights. For not showing my love a dozen times, I'm sorry for not being able to save you. But I'm still loving you. That's one thing I will never be sorry for, and I will never, ever stop. I can't stop," He ended on a sob, and buried his face in his hands.

"Don't be sorry, Derek," A voice said, and Morgan jerked his head up. That was the voice of his baby girl.

"Penelope?" He breathed, blinking hard.

There she stood, in all her beautiful glory.

"Oh, Derek," She sighed, kneeling next to him and framing his face in her hands, but he couldn't feel her touch. It was almost like warmth on his face.

"Am…am I dreaming or have I finally gone insane?" He asked, staring at her with wide eyes. She laughed, saying,

"You've always been crazy, but no, you're not dreaming. I'm just a mirage, basically,"

"So you're not real," Morgan said dejectedly, and Garcia shook her head.

"No, Derek, I'm more real than you can imagine. I've been watching over you and the rest of the team since I died,"

"You have?"

"Of course I have. And I just wanted to remind you that everything happens for a reason,"

"You believed in that, Penelope, not me," He said sadly, reaching out and trying to touch her but his hands went right through her. She was right, she was basically a mirage.

"That's right, and that's why I'm reminding you. I only have one regret,"

"Which is?"

"That I didn't die Mrs. Morgan," She said with a gentle smile, and Morgan had to smile.

"Me too, sweetheart, me too,"

They just looked at each other for a long moment, and then Penelope glanced over at the group that was waiting for Morgan to return to them. "You have to go, Derek, it's time to go," She said, getting to her feet. He immediately rose with her and pleaded,

"Please, don't go,"

"Derek, you know I can't stay,"

"Are…am I ever going to see you again?" He asked desperately, and she smiled.

"You never know. You might need me again,"

"I always need you, baby girl,"

"Well, this visit was just to remind you that you can move on, it's allowed. I know, that's the last thing on your mind right now, but just keep that thought on the backburner, all right?"

"Whatever you say, Penelope," Morgan said with a smile, and Garcia stepped forward, ghosting her lips over his, and he could've swore that he felt her kiss. "I love you," He said in a strangled voice, and she smiled.

"I know. I love you too,"

With that she disappeared, and Morgan wiped his tears and walked back to the BAU. Rossi clapped him on the shoulder as Emily leaned into Hotch and JJ and Reid were holding hands.

"You'll be okay, Derek, we all will be," Hotch said quietly, resting his head on top of Emily's.

"Yeah we will, eventually," Morgan said, glanced skyward for a long moment and he smiled, feeling Garcia's smile on him, and he knew one thing was true:

He'd never let her go.

**The end of this incredibly sad story! I hope you liked that last appearance by Garcia, in almost a ghost form. Thank you all for sticking with me and this story until the end! I know when I killed Penelope I didn't endear you to this story, but thank you so much for reading it and I hope you enjoyed this story!**


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